Unacceptable Losses by halfofone
Part 1:
Date added: 2000-07-01 Rating of this chapter: R
TPTB are many. In a perfect world I would be one of them but it's not and I'm not. No infringement of copyright/trade marks or other intellectual property is intended. This story was written for fun and not profit.
Warning: This story includes same sex relationships between women. If you are offended by this or it is illegal where you live or you are underage then please read no further.
Full warnings, credits and disclaimers can be found in the contents page and chapter 1.
She was woken by the sleeping woman beside her, who stirred and murmured in her dreams. Reaching across the pillow she touched the blonde hair and tentatively stroked the loose strands from the pale face. She smiled as the sleeper wrinkled her nose in protest. The lines of strain and tiredness that were noticeable sometimes when her lover was awake were entirely absent now; an expression of peace had relaxed the narrow face until she looked younger even than when they first met. The elegant grey metal implant that adorned the beloved face carried no echoes of its sinister origin. As she watched Annika sleep, the lights in the Captain's quarters turned up to one half in the 5.30 a.m. pre-shift routine.
"God nearly time to get up." she muttered and lifting herself up on one elbow bent over her lover and kissed her lips gently, not meaning to wake her. After the last few weeks her partner needed sleep. The Doctor had been quite clear that Borg or not, no one could survive the punishing pace that Annika had set herself. Crisis over she was to remain off duty for at least twenty-four hours. "Somehow I don't see that happening my love," she thought ruefully. No one could make the former drone hold back, not even her partner of almost ten years. Unable to resist she kissed her sweet Borg again and felt guilty as the sleeper was clearly disturbed but then a beatific smile spread over the perfect features.
"Kathryn?" breathed the dreamer.
B'Elanna sat up too quickly; a stiletto of pain plunging through her chest and she clenched her fists.
'Goddamit why after all this time?' she thought bitterly. But she knew why, and even expected it; defying death, surviving again, always seemed to resurrect the ghost of the former Captain.
'You still love her don't you BangwI?' she thought gazing down at her lover. 'I cannot fight her, I don't even want to fight her, but her ghost walks between us. Oh Kahless Torres! Enough of the Klingon hyperbole. Get up and do something.'
B'Elanna swung her legs out of the bed and walked naked across the clothes strewn carpet to the bathroom. She half-smiled in spite of the oppressive sadness in her heart. They had been in a hurry last night, need had outweighed Nika's normal obsessive tidiness. She splashed water in her face to wake herself up and was about to start the sonic shower when she heard a voice from the bedroom. B'Elanna walked back in to find Nika sitting up in bed. The ex-drone dropped the sheet she had been clutching and held out her hands.
"Come back to bed B'Elanna."
B'Elanna ignored the pull of the gorgeous body.
"I must get ready BangwI, my shift starts in an hour and I wanted to get in early."
"For a little while, hold me." Love kicked away her defences and B'Elanna folded the blonde in her arms and gently rocked her. She tried not to notice how painfully tightly Seven was holding her or the slight shaking in strong shoulders.
After her shift B'Elanna swung by the holodeck, she had booked a slot to run an old Klingon story, which she rather liked, it gave her body a good work out and her temper some release which was definitely needed.
Twenty minutes and four kills into the story a pause in the frenetic plot allowed her a few minutes rest in a half-deserted camp. She sat down by the campfire and one of the holo characters began to sing an old Klingon song about lost friends. She tried to resist but the old memories began to replay inexorably and when the next phase of her holo-story was started with a sudden attack on the camp by a rival clan she decided to give the memories their own way.
"Computer delete all holo-characters." The yelling warriors vanished and silence fell on the holodeck. Too much silence.
"Computer reinstate Klingon singer." The singer reappeared and started to sing his sad song again. B'Elanna resumed her seat by the fire waiting for the playback of history to resume.
Ten years earlier
The chief engineer whistled tunelessly as she retuned the malfunctioning deflector array. A quick diagnostic showed that there was still a small variance from the correct frequency. She scowled. It had never worked properly since the Borg 'enhancements' had been stripped away from Voyager's hull after the war with species 8472 two years earlier. Why she didn't know. Some of the Borg technology had remained in Voyager's systems, deemed beneficial to overall efficiency, but it still caused some unexplained side effects. Unresolved incompatibilities. 'And that's just my relationship to Seven of Nine,' she joked to herself.
The cold blonde was serving a stint in engineering and driving her insane. You must learn to resolve conflict without resorting to screaming matches Chakotay had told her after the most recent spat with the Ice Borg. Easy for him to say she thought. He didn't have Miss Perfect criticising his decisions and ignoring his orders.
Her communicator chirruped and a slightly distant voice said "Janeway to Torres, meet me in my ready room in ten minutes."
"Yes Captain". B'Elanna sighed and hoped Janeway was not going to get involved in the argument. Why can't she let Seven fight her own battles? The Captain didn't intervene in any other personnel conflicts, she left that to Chakotay. But if Seven of Nine was a party then the rules changed. No wonder most of the crew resented the blatant favouritism; there was open season on rumours about the exact nature of the relationship between the blonde Borg and the leader of Voyager.
A few minutes later in the captain's ready room B'Elanna and Seven stood in front of the small red-haired Captain.
"I am tired of hearing reports of your quarrelling and I want you to explain to me why you can't work together like civilised beings." said Janeway in her dangerously level, rasping voice.
"A civilised Borg. Gotta love it!" the engineer sniggered under her breath.
Seven looked at her sharply her hearing better than the human. Unfortunately the captain had heard something. Janeway slowly turned to look at her and B'Elanna felt the bravado drain from her body.
"Lieutenant no more childish asides. I don't enjoy having to speak to my senior officers in this manner and I don't wish to be reminded of their immaturity and probable unfitness for their position."
The Klingon felt as though she had been slapped and barely held her temper in check "Yes Ma'am" she gritted out. She could have sworn that Seven was almost smiling in that 'superior being amused by inferior being' kind of way. It didn't help.
"I am still waiting for an explanation of your behaviour Lieutenant," said Janeway implacably.
"Seven of Nine consistently undermines my authority in engineering by questioning my judgement in front of my staff."
"Do you agree with that Seven?" asked the Captain.
"I have queried the Lieutenant's judgement when I believe it to be incorrect and against the interests of Voyager. Should I allow her errors to pass without comment?"
"My 'errors' are simply your opinion Seven." B'Elanna's voice rose.
"No they are errors," said the Borg arrogantly.
A harsh tremor passed through the floor under their feet and the three women were quiet, immediately alert.
"The engines have stopped," the Engineer said with a certainty born of six years experience and knowing the ship and its engines like an extension of herself. The Captain was on her feet and on the way out of the ready room. B'Elanna and Seven fell into step behind their leader.
"Report," demanded the captain as she entered the bridge.
"We seem to run into some kind of energy field Captain," answered Chakotay. "The warp engines have shut down and we have no impulse power either."
"On screen" said the Captain calmly.
They stared into total blackness; no stars were visible anywhere. The view screen rotated but there was nothing visible in any direction.
"It didn't appear on any of our sensors Captain all readings were normal until the moment this happened. Then there was a surge of energy and now .... " Harry Kim's voice trailed off.
"And now what do sensors read Harry?"
"Nothing Captain, nothing at all. No matter, no anti matter, no particles of any kind, no gravity, no radiation. Nothing."
"Perhaps our sensors are malfunctioning. Launch a class 2 probe Tuvok. Let's see what is out there."
"Aye Captain ..... probe launched" said the imperturbable security officer. Another few seconds passed and then Tuvok spoke.
"The probe has disappeared, it vanished in the instant it left Voyager." The Vulcan's face expressed no surprise to the casual eye but Janeway had known him for years. She grinned to herself when she realised that she couldn't detect any emotion either.
"All senior staff to meet in the briefing room in one hour. I want full reports about every aspect of Voyager's condition and the events both before and after we entered this place. I want to know what has happened."
The bridge crew were shaken but Kathryn Janeway appeared confident and in command of the situation. The tone of her voice snapped the crew back to their duties and the normal bridge chatter and noise recommenced.
"I should get back to engineering Captain," said B'Elanna conscious that the Captain had not formally dismissed either her or Seven.
Janeway eyed her coldly. "You certainly should Lieutenant and take Seven with you. I don't want to hear of any more incidents between you is that clear? Dismissed."
Unbelievably to B'Elanna the Borg decided to argue with the Captain.
"Captain I should go to Astrometrics and endeavour to scan our surroundings."
Conscious of B'Elanna watching her, Captain Janeway was in no mood to tolerate argument. "Seven I want you both working on the engines. They are the only systems that have actually shut down and I want to know why. Harry will handle the sensors."
The Borg recognised the Captain was not going to budge and reluctantly decided to comply although she had no desire to return to engineering with the aggressive little half-caste. She nodded and Janeway suppressed a sigh of relief as the tall Blonde turned and strode from the bridge, the small dark Klingon at her heels trying desperately not to look as though she was having to run to keep up with the drone's long strides.
As the bridge doors closed the Captain could hear B'Elanna asking "How does it feel not to get your own way then Seven." Janeway shut her eyes and counted slowly.
Chakotay smiled at her.
"Awkward little brats aren't they? They compete for your attention Kathryn, it's classic sibling rivalry."
She smiled in return and he felt his heart turn at the warmth in the slate blue eyes.
'I love her still and yet she shows no signs of even being aware of my feelings. Just a good friend but my time will come, when we get home I will make my feelings plain.' He didn't allow himself to consider how long that might take.
The briefing room a while later.
The staff filed in one by one. Nobody spoke much and there was little noise until Seven and B'Elanna arrived together and tried to squeeze through the door at the same time. B'Elanna won this round and forced her way into the room first and they were still arguing.
"Seven it is not your job to make the report - I will tell the Captain." The pair both looked unwillingly at the last two remaining seats and then sat next to each other.
"Ah it's the happy couple" joked Tom Paris and then swallowed his tongue as murder looked his way projected from B'Elanna's eyes.
"Settle down everyone" said Janeway, feeling her headache come back. "Report."
"Captain I think we have something!" Given the optimism of her words B'Elanna's voice sounded oddly subdued as though she was excited but also fearful. Very different from her normal straightforward ebullience.
"Go on" said Janeway when B'Elanna hesitated.
Seven piped up to fill the silence, ignoring B'Elanna's gasp of annoyance, "The engines did not fail Captain, they were deliberately deactivated by command as we entered this place." B'Elanna poked the Borg hard with her elbow as she interrupted and took over the narrative.
"Seven and I accessed the sensor logs in astrometrics and at the moment of entry the ship was apparently flooded with unknown radiation. Then the official logs report nothing more about the incident. Sensors show nothing, there are no further official reports of any sort. Less than a second later the engines shut down."
"When you say deactivated you mean someone or something switched them off. Are you suggesting someone on Voyager deactivated the ship's sensors and then shut down its engines? How do you know this?"
"Aside from the fact Captain that they won't start there is nothing wrong with the engines. They are in perfect working order. The main computer is ignoring our commands to restart the engines."
Tuvok raised an eyebrow "I am curious about your assessment Lieutenant, I have received no security reports that indicate the main computer is malfunctioning. Or any reports of illegal access."
"Apart from routine reports and logs have any of you received any critical computer logs since we got here. I would be willing to bet that you were all going to report that all systems are functioning normally except engines." B'Elanna looked triumphantly round the room at each of her colleagues.
Without warning B'Elanna lifted her hand-phaser, pointed it at the wall and fired.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Lieutenant?" yelled Chakotay.
Janeway looked furious and then her expression changed to puzzlement. "No warning - unauthorised phaser fire should have set off a warning alert. Computer report on weapons fire in Briefing Room."
NO WEAPONS FIRE HAS BEEN DETECTED
Janeway took a breath before speaking.
"So the main computer is malfunctioning but what makes you think this is deliberate B'Elanna?"
B'Elanna looked a little cagey again.
"I have log readings which show an engine shutdown command sequence immediately after the radiation surge. It also shows a sequence of lockout codes and security traps being set on the main computer. I think we are simply hanging in normal space, if we just opened a 'door' we would be able to see it. The sensors are lying to us. I think the whole incident is a fake."
"But you have just said there were no sensor logs." Chakotay was now looking desperately confused.
"The engineering sensors ..." said B'Elanna quietly.
"I'm sorry I don't understand, there are no engineering sensors" he replied. B'Elanna could see Janeway glaring at her and she shut her eyes for a moment to get up her courage.
"Okay I rigged up a separate internal sensor array to detect whenever Seven was interfering with any of the ship's systems. Look it was fairly common practice in the Maquis if you suspected there might be a traitor on board."
Kathryn Janeway didn't know how she prevented herself hitting B'Elanna. Her mood was not aided by the openly admiring looks the engineer was receiving from Tom and Harry.
Seeing the Captain's look of outrage Seven of Nine decided she should help the Klingon out.
"I am not offended Captain I detected the Lieutenant's system several months ago and have successfully evaded detection ever since. I can also confirm the Lieutenant's data since the astrometric sensors report the same information."
In answer to the now very pained expressions worn by the Captain and her first officer, Seven added with a little less confidence. "I modified the astrometric sensors to allow internal scans and to avoid detection by the main computer - I did not want the Lieutenant to know which areas I was examining."
Janeway exploded.
"Is there any part of this ship which still conforms to Starfleet design protocols? Or indeed any system, which has not, been modified to assist your ludicrous feud? Once this little drama is over you may both expect to face disciplinary action is that clear?"
"Clear Captain," B'Elanna replied smartly. She knew better than Seven that they had both hugely overstepped the mark even if the current situation was resolved because of their insubordination.
The Captain tried to ignore her irritation and concentrate on the immediate problem.
"Let me see the logs B'Elanna." The engineer silently handed her a padd and she read the log. "These commands were each issued from different areas of the ship. In each case a different command code was used." She blanched but kept her voice steady, "looks like a conspiracy but by whom and for what purpose."
Chakotay said thoughtfully "the conspirators wanted to hide something at least for a period, perhaps to cover up someone's arrival or ... someone's departure."
Janeway "Tuvok, find the Equinox crew members. I want the ship searched visually, a complete crew register and I want to know how anyone obtained access to command codes allowing this. The rest of you; we have to regain control of the main computer."
Engineering
Lieutenant Torres famous temper was hopelessly frayed by mounting frustration as she worked on the re-intialisation of the main computer. Every time they thought they had covered all the angles a new barrier was thrown up and the computer refused to shut down. She would have liked to rip the head off whoever had done this while at the same time she had to admit a grudging professional admiration for the thorough workmanship.
"Let's give it another shot Seven" she said over the open comm link. Seven and Harry Kim were monitoring the close down from astrometrics. "Computer initiate close down."
UNABLE TO COMPLY. SENSORS INDICATE A MALFUNCTION IN ENGINEERING SUBNET. DATA LOSS WOULD RESULT.
"Damn I thought we had covered that. Seven where is it coming from? I thought you had found all of those - not very efficient."
"Clearly I had not" said the Borg shortly. After a few moments the drone reported "A false sensor reading is being generated by an emitter in Jeffries tube eleven. It is embedded in the communication circuit."
"I'll get up there and remove it" said B'Elanna.
She was prevented from going by Janeway's hand on her shoulder. "I'll go Lieutenant, as soon as it is out try the shutdown again. I want to get after them a soon as we can. They have a twelve-hour jump on us. Another hour and we'll lose them and the Flyer."
B'Elanna grimaced, without any engineering staff, running the engine room with just her and Seven was going to be a push but Tuvok was holding all her staff for questioning. He had identified the source of the stolen command codes as Engineering and until the thieves were found the Captain had deemed it to be too dangerous to allow any of the engineering crew back to work.
The Captain gave her a wave and climbed into the Jeffries Tube. It would take her about five minutes to reach the circuit and then about five to ten minutes to remove the emitter assuming it was like all the other ones.
B'Elanna waited and listened to Seven guiding the Captain to the source of the false sensor readings. After a few minutes the Captain started removing the emitter, following the calm instructions from the drone and B'Elanna noted resentfully the gentle familiar tone the Captain used. In some way she felt like an eavesdropper although neither had said anything that was even remotely personal. She thought it was just as well other crew could not hear them.
She was jolted from her thoughts by a thunderous crackle on the communicator and then the Captain was screaming. Seven's voice could be heard shouting at Harry.
"Transport her out now!"
B'Elanna ran to the entrance of the Jeffries tube and looked in horror as smoke began to trickle through the hatch. She grabbed a portable extinguisher and swung the hatch open. A choking cloud of smoke belched out and drove her back.
Then came Harry's voice audibly trembling, "Emergency transport Jeffries Tube eleven to sick bay. Locked on. Transporting now."
Cursing with relief B'Elanna heard Harry say, "transport successful." She could still hear the Captain crying and begging for help over her open comm link and then there was silence.
Thanking God that the Doctor now had her and clumsy with fear B'Elanna manually activated the fire control systems in the tube. Force fields went up and oxygen was sucked from the closed area. As the fire came under control she leaned against the wall shaking.
"Torres to sickbay. Is the Captain all right?" There was no answer. She repeated her request and still no reply. Get a grip Torres they are just too busy to talk to you. She stared round the empty engineering room and at the silent darkened warp core. Unable to bear the solitude she ran to the exit and bumped into a young ensign wandering in the corridor outside. He looked at her with a strange vacant expression, his voice thin and childlike.
"There's been an accident Lieutenant, they say the Captain's dead."
"No!" and she pushed the unfortunate boy against the wall. Getting in the turbolift she sagged against the side mumbling "Sickbay." The lift closed and an eternity later the doors opened on the corridor leading to sickbay. B'Elanna walked towards it through the same eerie quietness, as though the ship had closed down and been abandoned by its crew. When the doors of the sickbay opened she glimpsed the EMH hunched over a figure on a biobed taking readings. Another figure lay still and prone in the adjacent bed. Tom Paris was covering the figure with a blanket and when he turned round she gasped, he looked like an old man, all the life gone out of him and tears streaming down his face.
"B'Elanna" he whispered and held his arms out to her.
The person being attended by the Doc turned to look at her and she stared into the hate filled eyes of Seven of Nine. "It should have been you. Why was it not you?" The drone spoke the words in an even Borg monotone and continued to repeat "it should have been you" until the Doctor pressed another hypo of sedative into her neck.
The Shuttle bay
The crew of Voyager stood silently as Chakotay read the Starfleet funeral service rites. His voice steady and soothing, the words indescribably sad. Then he stepped aside for Tuvok the Vulcan security officer who would deliver the eulogy. Some of the crew thought this was inappropriate, as a Vulcan could not understand their feelings.
In the event they found the Vulcan understood them rather better than they thought and the cool, logical account of their lost Captain was more moving than another more sentimental assessment could have been. Tuvok had known the Captain longer than any other member of the crew and probably understood her better as well. He made them laugh retelling stories of a much younger more rebellious Janeway that echoed their own experience of the determined and fearless Captain. And he made them cry when he talked of how much the crew meant to her, and how much it meant to get them home. But he finished with a warning.
"Captain Janeway's dearest hope was that this ship and its crew should return home safely. But she was not prepared to do this at any cost and certainly not at the expense of Starfleet ideals and codes of conduct. She always adhered to those ideals and she would expect the crew of Voyager to continue to do so after she was gone. She will never return home but I sincerely hope that we will not break with her trust in our efforts to do so."
He signalled to the ensign at the torpedo controls. The adapted torpedo containing the Captain's body quietly slipped out of the shuttle bay into endless space, its targeting thrusters fired and the slim capsule turned towards the nearby blue giant. A moment later the torpedo disappeared from view although the ship's sensors tracked it all the way to its destination and final destruction in the fiery outer rim of the star.
Seven of Nine did not attend the funeral. She remained heavily sedated in sickbay and in restraints. The Doctor was of the view that although she was unlikely to attack Lieutenant Torres having accepted that the Lieutenant was not actually responsible for her Captain's death she certainly would kill the four conspirators whose actions had caused the tragedy.
The Delta Flyer and the runaways had been recovered and the latter were being held in the brig together with a junior lieutenant from engineering who had helped them to override the security systems. The three former members of the Equinox crew gave as their reason for running away, the level of antagonism they had faced from Voyager's crew. The Starfleet lieutenant simply had a grudge because she thought she was a talented engineer and her skills were not recognised.
One of the hardest things B'Elanna had ever done was returning to the engine room with Harry Kim in the immediate aftermath of the Captain's death, completing the shut down of the main computer and restarting the engines. The smoke from the fire was still strong in her nostrils but the warrior inside her knew that this was their only chance to recover the people who had done this and bring them to justice. And she wanted justice.
Back to the Future
B'Elanna leaned back away from the fire and closed her eyes. Even ten years later she could not remember the events around the Captain's death without thinking Seven was right: 'it should have been me'.
Grimly she sat up and straightened her back. The Klingon singer was still wailing the same dirge.
"Don't you know any other songs?" She grumbled.
He thought for a second and then said "No." And began to sing again.
"Remind me to reprogram your repertoire."
But the music lulled her away from the present and she slipped back towards the bad days following the funeral. An old Klingon proverb had it that 'Change was a time for the strong'. Well that had certainly been true back then ....