Mystery Series Theater 3000

Season 2

One - Part 1

Comments to

Wyld's Notes: After the angst-ish Fragments I needed something a
little more lighthearted. Not to worry though I am considering a
sequel, much in the vein I was hoping for with the Method's. Still
that's all in planning, episode 3 is in the now. I hope everyone

Disclaimer: This is done for purely entertainment purposes only, no
profit is being made or is intended to. This is not meant to infringe
upon the rights held by Paramount, Best Brains, or any others. Any
other rights are reserved. This story features B'Elanna Torres and
Seven of Nine in a loving relationship if you object to such things
you may as well move on.

(Sung to the Love Theme to Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Sometime in the Distant Future
Round the end of season three
Voyager found itself in Borg space
Drones as far as the eye could see
Then they lucked out and met a drone
Who got the Collective to leave them alone
Then on the way back to Earth they got off track,
Encountered Pearl Forester who went on the attack.
Bridge Crew Roll Call
Janeway: "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship
Chakotay: "All hands brace for impact!"
Doctor: "I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them."
Harry: "Hi. My name's Harry read-me-like-a-book Kim."
Paris: "Captain Proton to the rescue!"
B'Elanna: "I must be completely paranoid about getting caught in a
compromising position."
Seven: "You are strong, You will make an excellent mate!"
Tuvok: "Both must resolve their Pon Farr before it kills them."

{The scene opens on the bridge of the USS Voyager, but everyone seems
gathered around B'Elanna sitting at the aft engineering station.}
Janeway: "and Pearl demanded this?"
B'Elanna" Yep, she said she was feeling nostalgic and wanted to do an
invention exchange this experiment."
Harry: "So she'll have one too?"
B'Elanna: "That's the deal."
Tuvok: "I fail to see its usefulness."
B'Elanna: "It doesn't have to be useful, it just has to be cool."
Tuvok: "Cool."
Paris (grinning): "If there was one thing I wanted you to take from
our relationship it was "cool."
(B'Elanna looks aghast and Seven grins slightly as she rests the
engineer's face to her abdominal implant as she stands beside her.)
(The screen comes to life with the inside of the Widowmaker with Pearl
Harry (under his breath): "Here we go again."
Pearl: "What, are you saying you didn't miss me Harry?"
Janeway: "Nonsense, you're our favorite visitor, right after the
(Pearl growls slightly.)
Chakotay (interrupting her response): "Where's Bobo?"
Pearl: "That's my invention exchange, The Assistant Locator."
Pearl (starting to sound like an infomercial): "I'm sure we have all
had this situation. You are at a critical point in an experiment and
you just can' find your assistant?"
Doctor (also sounding like an infomercial): "I know I sure have!"
(The rest of the crew looks quizzically at the Doctor.)
Pearl (sill in infomercial mode, holding up a black box with several
buttons): "That's why I came up with The Assistant Locator. Never
again will you be left having to program your holo-matrix to sprout a
second set of arms to make up for an assistant who doesn't take his
responsibilities seriously."
Doctor (still in infomercial mode): "Now wait a minute, I've seen
these before. You press a button and it starts making a noise that is
either too loud, or not loud enough!"
Pearl (still in infomercial mode): "Oh there is a sound all right."
(Pearl then pushes a button and Bobo's muffled screaming can be
Pearl (still in infomercial mode): "It has variable setting so you can
make the screaming louder or softer, and as an added bonus you can
even use it as a disciplinary device when your assistant gets too
Doctor (back to normal): "Can I get one?"
(The crew gives the Doctor another look.)
Pearl (back to normal, in hushed tones): "We'll talk later."
(Paris looks nervous.)
Pearl: "Now, I showed you mine, now show me yours."
B'Elanna (making a face): "Well after that disturbing imagery I wasn't
sure what to follow up with until I thought of what you said about all
the bad episodes with Seven in them."
(Pearl looks interested while Bobo staggers in, his lab coat
B'Elanna (keying a console): "Which is why I present to you "Jim
Henson's Borg Babies."
(On the screen there is a sandbox shown with a dozen children. Four of
them are clad in miniaturized Borg armor; the rest are running away.
There is a teacher with assimilation tubules from one of them in her
knee. Another appears to be scanning a pile of blocks with a green
scanning beam while the last two look like they are disassembling the
sandbox itself.)
Paris: "Well now THAT'S disturbing."
B'Elanna (under her breath): "So are the episodes."
Seven: "Are you saying you do not wish to have children?"
(Everyone looks at B'Elanna while the engineer seems unable to do
anything but blink.)
Pearl: "Well, well, quite evil, good work. Now for your experiment
this week you are going to see Seven, all by herself."
B'Elanna: "I don't see what's wrong with that? I LIKE having Seven all
to myself."
Pearl: "Oh but you will. Now get in there!"
{Red alert sounds as the screw makes the way to the turbolift and the
scene fades.}

{The screen fades back in on a mid 20th century theater where the
crews silhouettes can be seen sitting (left to right) Janeway,
Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna, Seven, the Doctor, Harry and Paris.}
Paris: "One" Seven gets the ship to herself. Do we get to see her
dancing to Seager in her undies?"
Tuvok: "Doubtful."
(B'Elanna pouts.)
Seven: "You know that I do not wear them unless it is a special
(B'Elanna blushes as the crew snickers.)
Seven: "If you wish we can go to our quarters after the experiment?"
(B'Elanna grins, rather uncontrollably as she takes Seven's hand
between hers and rests her head to Seven's shoulder.)
{The screen comes to life with a close up on Seven's face.}
B'Elanna: "At least were off to a good start."
{In mess hall Harry and B'Elanna are eating dinner Seven walks up to
them and addresses them by their ranks.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Please call me Lieutenant Sweetheart."
{Seven says she would like to talk to them.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "All right, I'm wearing."
{She asks Harry his place of origin and he clarifies if she is asking
where he is from.}
Harry (singing): "I was born, in the back streets. Learned to love
before I learned to eat."
{She interrupts Harry by asking Torres why she joined the Maquis.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "401k and dental."
{She interrupts B'Elanna by asking Harry what sports he plays.}
Janeway: "She's asking a man about sports? She obviously did not plan
this thing through."
{She interrupts him by asking what foods they find enjoyable.}
Harry and B'Elanna (as themselves): "Anything not made by Neelix."
{She asks B'Elanna to describe her sexual relationship with Paris.}
Seven (as herself): "So I know what not to do."
{B'Elanna says that's it.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "I am just going to have to give you a
{The Doctor is seen as he stops the program and asks her what she is
Seven (as herself): "Trying to get B'Elanna alone."
{He explains that he made the program so that Seven could practice
interacting with the crew.}
Seven (as herself): "You mean you did not make it for me to have a
more tractable Torres?"
Doctor (as himself): "I know you enjoy your. interaction with
Lieutenant Torres, but you need to be able to talk to the rest of the
{He said he did not make it for her to practice alienating the crew.}
Doctor (as himself): "You're good enough at that already."
{She says that he suggested asking the questions about themselves and
seeming interested in the answers.}
Doctor (as himself): "I know that this crew can make that especially
difficult, but you just have to tough it through."
{He says that she needs to give them time to respond.}
Seven (as herself): "That is one thing I do not feel I wish to have a
part in."
{He suggests she take her time.}
B'Elanna: "It's no use Doc, I have been trying to teach her the same
{She reminds the Doctor that she is overdue for her medical
maintenance, and he is surprised that she is volunteering.}
Doctor (as himself): "You know that B'Elanna won't be the one
performing the maintenance don't you?"
Seven (sounding dejected as herself): "Oh."
{She says that is preferable to remaining on the holodeck.}
Seven (as herself): "A holographic B'Elanna doesn't do it for me."
{Voyager is seen flying past a fluffy pink space cloud. The shot
changes to the bridge where Janeway asks what they have.}
Harry (as himself): "Another bizarre natural occurrence that will
confound and confuse us until we manage to come up with a solution."
{Tuvok tells Janeway the nebula extends past the reach of their
Tuvok (as himself): "There is no way to avoid the incoming plot line."
{Harry starts describing the nebula, but then pauses as if he was in
Harry (as himself): "I'm sorry captain, I know better then to take on
an episode of Voyager on an empty stomach."
Doctor: "I usually recommend a dose of Dramamine."
{The entire crew starts gasping and groaning as burn marks appear.}
Tuvok: "Sensors should have indicated the harmful radiation as it
penetrated the hull and sounded an alert."
B'Elanna: "I guess the radiation disabled the sensors before disabling
{Janeway tells Paris to get them out of there, but collapses just
short of the helm.}
Paris: "I guess the radiation disabled the vocal controls too."
{The crew continues to moan and pant until Tuvok makes it to the helm
and lays in a course out of the nebula.}
Chakotay: "You have to wonder what that looks like on the closed
{They get out of the nebula and Janeway calls for all stop. Seven gets
on the bridge and finds a dead Ensign.}
Janeway (as herself): "Oh well, just go get another one out of
Harry: "Eww, he really is a nameless, FACELESS ensign now."
{In sickbay Seven displays a diagram of the nebula.}
Paris: "I thought that it was beyond the reach of our sensors?"
Harry: "It's the cotton candy cloud of death."
{Janeway says that they crossed 15,000 light years and had not let
anything stop them and she would not let a nebula do it.}
Seven (as herself): "Yes, and like those problems it will take the
rest of the hour to defeat."
{The camera lingers on Seven as the scene fades.}
B'Elanna: "At least the camera is trying to help improve the show."
{In sickbay the Doctor offers stasis as protection from the nebula.}
Janeway (as herself): "Now Doctor, you have been trying to get the
entire crew into stasis ever since you came online."
{The Doctor tells Janeway there was only one person who didn't seem
affected by the radiation.}
B'Elanna (singing): "Who's that former Borg drone who just can't leave
this Klingon alone?"
All (but Seven): "Seven!"
B'Elanna (singing): "Who's that gal who won't cop out when there's
radiation all about?"
All (but Seven): "Seven!"
B'Elanna (singing): "That Seven is one bad."
All (but Seven): "Shut your mouth!"
B'Elanna (singing): "Just talking about Seven."
All (but Seven): "We can dig it."
{In Cargo Bay 2 Janeway asks Seven how she would feel with only the
Doctor for company.}
Seven (as herself): "Horrified."
{Janeway tells her the Doctor will be in charge, and that she is to
follow his orders, as she would follow Janeway's}
(Janeway laughs as Seven arches her brow.)
{Seven is skeptical about taking orders from a hologram.}
Chakotay: "Permission to bring up Fair Haven?"
Janeway: "Permission Denied."
{In the conference room Chakotay tells them the Doctor is preparing
the stasis tubes.}
Chakotay (as himself): "He said it was just a coincidence they are
near the photon torpedo launchers."
{B'Elanna asks about side effect and Janeway says it will be just like
taking a nap.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Then they better build room for Seven to
snuggle me, because I just can't get to sleep on my own."
{Janeway says they will get into the tubes, their cardiopulmonary
systems will be slowed, and neural activity suspended.}
Paris: "All right, go ahead and say it!"
(The rest of the crew just grins at him.)
{Harry mentions that there could be problems and Janeway says that the
Doctor and Seven will carefully monitor them.}
Harry (as himself): "Well that takes care of B'Elanna, but what about
the rest of us?"
Janeway (as herself): "Your forgetting about the Doctor."
Harry (as himself): "No I'm not."
{Janeway says that they have problems because of the loss of control.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "No, not really. Not with Seven anyway."
{She says that no Starfleet officer likes to do that.}
(B'Elanna clears her throat and raises her hand.)
{Chakotay tells Janeway he is worried about leaving Seven in change.}
Janeway (as herself): "I'm leaving the Doctor in charge."
Chakotay (as himself): "How long do you think that will last?"
Janeway (as herself): "Fair enough."
{Chakotay says that Seven has butted heads with her since she came on
(B'Elanna looks at Seven and starts to purr. Seven smiling.)
{He says she disregards authority.}
(B'Elanna's chest starts to heave.)
{He also says she actively disobeys orders.}
B'Elanna (standing up and facing Seven): "That's it! I want you right
here, right NOW!"
(Seven stand up and faces her, both women breathing heavily.)
Janeway: "This seems like a good time for a break."
{The rest of the crew heads for the exit, Paris being pulled away by
Chakotay and Tuvok as the scene ends.}

{Back on the bridge the remainder of the bridge crew are at their
stations as the viewscreen comes to life with Pearl and Bobo inside
the Widowmaker.}
Pearl: "Hey! Where are the other two?"
Janeway: ".Indisposed."
(Pearl glares at Janeway and pushes a button on the Widowmaker's
dashboard. She then looks off screen and seems startled, then pauses
and looks back off the screen.)
Janeway: "Pearl..."
Pearl (startled): "What? It's all part of the experiment."
(The crew snickers.)
Bobo: "Hey, that looks like a shot of the theater."
(Pearl smacks Bobo, hauling him away and shoving him into a seat as
she presses the button again.)
Bobo: "They're making hot monkey lovin."
Pearl: "BOBO!"
(Pearl presses one of The Assistant Finder's buttons and Bobo
collapses to the bottom of the van.)
Pearl: "Well. I suppose I should get back to monitoring the theater so
we know when you can go back in."
Janeway: "That won't be necessary, we have our full break available to
us, and we are going to use every possible moment."
(The crew sits, or stands quietly for several moments before Paris
seems to be discretely tapping his console.)
Janeway: "Ensign!"
(In the back Harry's eyes are glued to his console, as he seems to be
trying to enter commands.)
Janeway: "You too Harry!"
(The sounds of a touch pad can be heard.)
Janeway: "That means EVERYONE even you. Chakotay?"
Pearl: "Times up, now let's just see if the theater is ready."
(Janeway shoots Pearl a Force 10 glare, but Pearl is already looking
Pearl (sighing): "It's fine, go ahead."
{Janeway gives another glare as they make their way to the turbolift
and the scene fades.}

{Coming back in the crew has retaken their seats, B'Elanna and Seven
seeming cuddly.}
Harry: "Seven, you have something on your cheek."
(Seven reaches up to her cheek, but finds nothing.)
Harry: "The other one, it's a bite mark."
(Seven blushes as the Doctor sighs and pulls out a dermal regenerator
while B'Elanna unconsciously licks her lips.)
Doctor: "I had a feeling this might come in handy."
{B'Elanna leans over and licks away the remaining traces of blood.}
Janeway: Computer, restore the theater back down to its normal
Computer: "Environmental controls are at standard."
(The rest of the crew fans themselves while Seven and B'Elanna stare
into each other's eyes.)
{Janeway asks if Chakotay wants her to tell him she is not crazy.}
All (but Janeway): "Too late."
{Janeway says that she thinks Seven can be redeemed in spite of her
insolent attitude.}
(The crew seems to pause, Janeway holds up her hands for order.)
Janeway (as herself): "It's never stopped the rest of the crew."
Chakotay (as himself): "I thought you needed to be the first officer
before you could openly disobey the captain's orders."
Tuvok (as Janeway): "Besides I need something to keep me busy on our
way back to the Alpha Quadrant."
B'Elanna (as Chakotay): "Shouldn't that be redeemed BECAUSE of her
insolent attitude?"
Seven (as Janeway): "Besides, the Collective considered insolence
irrelevant. So she must have picked it up here."
Doctor (as Janeway): "Excuse me Mr. Wiser-Then-Thou but didn't YOU
want Torres in charge of the ships systems?"
Harry (as Chakotay): "Like you said, this is no longer a Maquis ship.
So we can not be insolent, anymore."
Paris (as Chakotay): "Between that and putting Paris at them helm you
must WANT the ship to be destroyed!"
{Chakotay says that is enough for him.}
Chakotay (as himself): "Because B'Elanna said that if it wasn't there
would be something involving my butt and brand new batleth."
{Now in the cargo bay Tuvok is seen being sealed in his stasis tube.}
Paris (as TV announcer): "Vacuum sealed Vulcans for freshness."
{Paris says that if he has to sleep for a month he would rather do it
in his quarters.}
B'Elanna: "I would think you would be tired of sleeping alone."
{Harry tells Tom its sleepy time.}
Paris: "Harry, don't you ever, EVER beckon me to bed."
{Paris asks about what would happen if they needed to open it from the
inside and Janeway tells him that he has controls on the inside that
will let him out.}
Janeway (as herself): "At least until we weld you in."
{The Doctor asks if he has a bit of claustrophobia.}
All: "Nah!"
{Paris asks why they have to be shaped like coffins.}
Doctor (as himself): "The coffins were left over because we keep
launching our dead out in photon torpedo casings."
{The Doctor tells her not to worry because he will soon be standing
over her as she awakens and telling her they are out of the nebula.}
B'Elanna: "No offense Doc, but Seven is MUCH more pleasant to wake up
{Janeway says she is leaving the ship in good hands.}
Janeway (as herself): "Unfortunately those hands are in stasis."
{Janeway goes into stasis and the Doctor says that it is just the two
of them now.}
Doctor (as himself): "I'll prepare the torpedo launchers, you start
carting them over."
{The shot shows Voyager flying through the nebula. The shot then shows
Seven walking through the halls of Voyager while she speaks in
voiceover saying it is their tenth day in the nebula.}
Seven (as herself in voiceover): "I am to the point I am wearing
B'Elanna's uniform jacket to regenerate in."
{She says she has created an efficient daily routine.}
Seven (as herself in voiceover): "I first spend five hours watching
B'Elanna sleep."
{Seven enters the mess hall and replicates a nutritional supplement.}
Paris: "She's going to have a whole month with out eating Neelixes
Harry: "That's BRILLIANT!"
B'Elanna (grinning): "That's my Seven, always thinking."
Seven (as herself in voiceover): "Though the darkened "mood" lighting
is causing me to miss B'Elanna."
{Seven walks to an empty engineering, then an empty bridge.}
Seven (as herself in voice over): "10 days, I still can't believe they
aren't here."
{Seven finds Paris lying in the doorway to the Cargo Bay where Seven
hails the Doctor and tells him.}
Paris: "Shouldn't I be frying?"
{The Doctor seals Paris back in his stasis tube and says Paris was
more claustrophobic then they thought.}
Doctor (as himself): "We're just going to have to break his legs."
{The Doctor tells Seven it is not unusual for people to come out of
stasis early and go walking around.}
Doctor (as himself): "Admittedly it's not a good system, but what can
you do?"
{The Doctor says it would be Paris to be as much trouble asleep as
Harry (as the Doctor): "Of course his neural activity is at similar
{The Doctor has Seven take his life signs, which include 97-degree
body temperature.}
Paris: "Shouldn't my life signs be a little less lively in stasis?"
{The Doctor orders Seven to the holodeck because she is getting
B'Elanna (smirking): "She's been with out her Klingon for the past ten
Seven (as herself): "There is only one Starfleet officer I like to
take commands from, and no it is not the captain."
{The shot jumps to the mess hall where Neelix is seen with various
crewmembers in the background.}
Seven (to the Doctor): "I thought the whole point was to avoid them
for a month.}
Doctor (to Seven): "I know, I know, blame the writers."
{Neelix tries to draw Seven into the party, which makes Seven to saw
she has no desire to have fun.}
Seven (as herself): "B'Elanna is not here."
{Seven gets Janeway and Neelix to help her with engineering problems.
The Doctor then pauses the holo-program and says that Seven is
splitting hairs.}
Chakotay (as the Doctor): "and I don't have that many left!"
{He says she is being intentionally perverse.}
Doctor (as himself): "Personally I blame B'Elanna Torres!"
{Seven says that holodecks are pointless because she has no need to
(B'Elanna clears her throat.)
Seven: "Present company excluded."
{The Doctor says that she needs to learn some restraint.}
B'Elanna: "Don't you DARE change one thought in that cybernetic head
of hers."
{Seven says she finds the Doctor's self expression ponderous.}
Tuvok: "Are you just becoming aware of this?"
{He says that she has to report to him four times a day and she
suggests minimizing the contact.}
Doctor (as himself): "It was one thing when you avoided me when the
rest of the crew were around, but I'll admit this hurts."
{The ship is shaken and says emergency procedures are in order. When
they ask the computer tells them there is a problem with antimatter
Janeway: "If we have to ask about that severe of a problem I believe
we have to review procedures."
{The Doctor says they need to coordinate. He'll go to the bridge while
she goes to engineering.}
Chakotay (as the Doctor): "You go into the dangerous situation, and I
will supervise."
{Seven gets to engineering and find out it is a false alarm.}
B'Elanna: "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the ship didn't blow up. I'm
even happier Seven didn't have to risk any plasma fires. Still, that
was kinda anti-climactic."
{The Doctor explains while pointing to a computer panel that the
bio-neural gel packs malfunctioned causing false readings to be sent
to the sensors.}
Janeway: "So what you're saying is the episode is so dull even the
ship has started day dreaming?"
Paris: "Wait a minute, isn't neural automatically mean biological?"
{While they make the repairs the Doctor says that Seven would find
complaining comforting. Then his holo-matrix flickers.}
Seven (as herself): "I do not complain. I simply wish silently, and in
this case it worked."
{They make a mad dash through the halls to sickbay.}
Harry: "I guess transporters must be down."
{Seven emerges from a regeneration cycle and states that her dreams
have been disturbing.}
Seven (as herself): "None of them have had B'Elanna in them."
{On the bridge Seven attempts to alter course, but a stuttering
computer is unable to comply.}
Seven (as herself): "A TOLL number for tech support?"
{Seven goes to astrometrics and calculates they have 6 days left to
get through the nebula.}
Chakotay: "I guess Parker must have already made the back step."
{Walking empty hallways Seven hears Paris calling for help.}
Seven (as herself): "Finally one of my pleasant dreams."
{She enters the cargo bay and finds all the crew still in stasis.}
Harry (as Seven): "The entire crew of Voyager still in the original
packing, they'll be worth a fortune!"
{Seven walks over to the tube holding Paris and taps in some
Janeway (as Seven): "Ok, that's it. I'm cutting off his life support.
That'll teach em a lesson."
{Voyager's sensors detect another vessel and when Seven contacts it
she agrees to make a trade for liquid helium.}
Paris (as Seven): "This is going to be so cool, I'll be able to sound
like a chipmunk."
{The alien from the other vessel chats Seven up in another cargo bay.}
Doctor (as himself over the communicator): "Doctor to Seven I think
Paris has gotten out of his tube again and has dressed up as an
Seven (as herself): "Agreed Doctor, I feel the same need for a
{The alien asks her how she is handling the loneliness.}
(Paris starts humming 70's porn music, ending second later with a thud
as B'Elanna hits him.}
B'Elanna: "Hey! There I sonly one person who makes lewd propositions
to Seven, and that's ME!"
{He tries to stay longer and Seven pulls a phaser on him.}
Paris: "Now there's something she picked up from B'Elanna."
Harry: "Or Tuvok."
{As she escorts him down a hallway he tells her she is getting
Harry: "Now that she definitely picked up from Tuvok."
{She hears Paris calling for help and when she turns to look the alien
gets away.}
B'Elanna: "Even in stasis Paris finds a way to mess things up."
{In sickbay the Doctor tells Seven he can find no sign of the alien
and that she will have to go look for him herself, and that she should
arms herself and be careful.}
Seven (as herself): "I need to apologize Doctor. I doubted your
abilities, but your ability to overstate the obvious is worthy of any
Starfleet officer."
{The computer begins conveying information and the Doctor says the
computer sounds like it needs a stimulant.}
Janeway: "At this point I believe we all need a stimulant."
{The Doctor says they have to assume the alien is up to no good.}
Seven (as herself): "Again, your ability to overstate the obvious is
Tuvok: "It would also lead to a dull show if it were otherwise."
{The Doctor asks if she is frightened.}
Doctor (as himself): "You have to learn to think of things in terms of
how much of the episode you have gotten through and not how much is
{Seven walks through the walls Voyager with a phaser rifle.}
B'Elanna (purring): "Now she's packing serious heat."
{She hears phantom voices of the crew in dying moans.}
Seven (as herself): "Finally a bright spot."
{The alien says he will play a game with Seven and then hints he will
drop the structural integrity fields around the warp core.}
B'Elanna: "Ok I need to get something off my chest. What is it with
bad guys! Are they so lacking in the self esteem department they need
to toy with the heroes?"
Tuvok: "In this case I believe the alien knows that his odds of
surviving a direct contact are low."
{She gets to engineering and the alien says he did not have the heart
to destroy her ship.}
Harry (as the alien): "Mainly because I am on it."
{He turns out the lights and asks if she is afraid of the dark.}
Seven (as herself): "I prefer the lights on."
B'Elanna (whispering): "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"
{Seven asks his location and the alien says it will be more fun
playing this game together.}
Paris: "What was he playing with himself?"
{He says he is on the bridge and could do almost anything from there.}
Tuvok (as the alien): "Because I was able to decode all of the ships
security programs."
{She sees Harry and Tom suffering on the upper level of engineering
and climbs up to them.}
B'Elanna: "She probably just wants to watch their suffering up close."
{As she gets up there the bodies are busting into flames.}
B'Elanna (as Seven): "Borg logic aside, that's pretty cool."
{She turns the tables on the alien and depletes the oxygen on the
B'Elanna: "Now there is a lesson to be learned. You have to place nice
with Seven."
Seven: "You always play nice, except when you've been bad."
B'Elanna: "Except then."
Seven: "Of course."
B'Elanna: "Of course."
{The alien enters engineering, and does not respond when Seven shoots
Tuvok: "Despite her emotions Seven's logic is impeccable, and I
believe that would be what Ensign Paris would call a "big clue"
something was wrong."
{The Doctor discovers she is hallucinating.}
Chakotay: "Just think of it as a really big vision quest."
{Seven tells Doctor she was separated from the Collective for two
Seven (as herself): "With no klingon to cuddle me."
{The Doctor's program goes offline, but as he does he tells Seven that
she has to hang on because it all depends on her.}
(B'Elanna cuddles Seven.)
Seven (whispering): "I am fine."
Harry: "That reminds me of something. Could the ship be programmed to
help cover the duties, especially since it is down to a matter of
{In astrometrics Seven tried to figure out how much longer they have
in the nebula, and a burned Harry Kim tells her it won't do any good.
When she tries to ignore him he tells her she won't be able to block
him out.}
Seven (as herself): "I have been able to do it so far."
{Seven walks down corridors lit in Borg green.}
B'Elanna: "She's probably just feeling homesick."
{A unknown Borg drone appears and berates her.}
Harry: "Collective or not. It's always the same when family visits
Janeway (as Drone): "You still need to decide a major, you never
write. Who is this B'Elanna Torres?"
{The Drone tells her that she will not survive, that she will die
Seven (as herself): "Dying" is irrelevant, there is functioning and
{In the turbolift she tells the alien she can survive alone.}
Seven (as herself): "Though it will be more fun with B'Elanna."

Mystery ScienceTheater 3000

Season 2

One - Part 2

Comments to

{As she reaches the bridge a burned Janeway says she looks worse for
Janeway: "Well that's rather hypocritical of me."
{The burned Harry says he didn't realize she was still on board.}
All (but Harry): "Yeah, suuuuure you didn't."
{The burned Chakotay says he never wanted her on board.}
(B'Elanna growls.)
Chakotay: "He said it, not me, but that's not going to matter is it?"
{The burned Tuvok says she will not last long.}
Tuvok (as himself): "She is far too talented for this show."
{The burned Paris says he is taking bets on how long she'll last.}
Paris (as himself): "I'm also taking bets on which one of them will
beat me up for doing it."
{The crew continues to berate Seven.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Anyone notice that I'm not there to harass
Seven: "Undoubtedly because you are preparing to soothe me
Doctor: "I'm not there either."
Seven and B'Elanna: "You're offline."
{Janeway says that Seven is considering routing power from some of the
stasis tubes.}
Seven (as herself): "Yes, and I have FIVE in mind."
{She reroutes power from tubes 1-10.}
Paris: "I would be willing to be B'Elanna is in #11."
{Seven reroutes power from life support to the tubes and the burned
Janeway says it will leave her with out oxygen or heat.}
Janeway: "Ummm, no. Her body would have to process the ambient oxygen
and the heat would have to bleed off through the hull. Both would take
far longer then the 11 minutes that were left to clear the nebula."
{Seven sinks to the floor in swirling mists and says that she is Seven
of Nine and will adapt.}
Seven (as herself): "Though adapting to poor writing will take
{Janeway, the Doctor and Chakotay wake Seven up in sickbay. They tell
Seven the Doctor reinitiated life support and woke up the crew.}
Doctor (as himself): "I tried it the other way around but their lips
just started turning blue."
{Seven listens with a perplexed look on her face.}
Paris: "Would somebody just go ahead and get B'Elanna in there?"
{Seven joins B'Elanna, Harry and Paris in the mess hall.}
Seven (as herself to B'Elanna): "I woke up and you were gone, you know
how much I hate that."
{Paris says he prefers to know what he is eating.}
B'Elanna: "I think I speak for Seven and myself when I say "no
{She tells them she felt the need for companionship.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Ok, let's head back to our quarters."
{They ask her how that Doctor was and she says that she could not
fault him.}
Seven (as herself): "Well I could, but I won't."
{Seven mentions Paris getting out of his stasis tube on four occasions
and Harry asks him if he was locked in closets as a child.}
Paris (miming breathing from an oxygen mask): "Don't look at me, Don't
ever look at me!"
{The screen fades with Seven saying that he might just not like being
B'Elanna (singing): "I won't leave you lonely tonight."
B'Elanna: "Or any other night."
{As the screen goes blank and the deck reverts to its grid B'Elanna
tries to throw Seven over her shoulder. Seven sets her feet and
B'Elanna tries several times unsuccessfully. She then gives Seven a
look, which causes Seven to arch her brow and grin. B'Elanna grins as
well and takes Seven human hand to lead her from the holodeck, and
Seven follows.}

{Back on the bridge the crew are at their stations. The viewscreen
shows Pearl who is blushing and seems unable to look at Seven or
B'Elanna. Which leaves her staring at a point over Chakotay's
Janeway: "Well, are we done for this week?"
Pearl: "Yeah, done. All done."
Janeway: "Well then that is that."
(Seven and B'Elanna share a confused look. While the rest of the crew
looks blankly at Pearl.)
Pearl: "Oh, right."
(Pearl presses the button and the viewscreen reverts back to the
starscape. Janeway then gives Harry a nod. The ensign nods and keys
his console, which causes the screen to go blank.}

{The shot over Seven's shoulder shows Janeway asking. "How would you
feel with only the Doctor for company?"}