Wyld's Notes: Nine, amazing, both the former drone, and the fact I've made it this far. Making it this far I am going to be making a few minor changes. Just things like replacing my old dedication section with these author's notes. I will also post things to my readers here. The first thing being a thank you to my proofreaders Space Cadet, Elf, and Myra True. The second being a note that if you need any back episodes or any episodes you think I should take a look at feel free to mail me. wyldchilde37@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: This is done for purely entertainment purposes only, no profit is being made or is intended to. This is not meant to infringe upon the rights held by Paramount, Best Brains, or any others. Any other rights are reserved. This was written by a J/7er, heavy on the 7. If f/f themes offend you, you have my sympathy and my recommendation that you find something else to read.
Comments to wyldchilde37@yahoo.com
(Sung to the Love Theme to Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Sometime in the Distant Future
Round the end of season three
Voyager found itself in Borg space
Drones as far as the eye could see
Then they lucked out and met a drone
Who got the Collective to leave them alone
But the Queen decided she wanted Seven back
So she tracked down the USS Voyager and went on the attack
Bridge Crew Roll Call
Captain Janeway: "Janeway to Astrometrics."
Seven: "Captain Janeway to Astrometrics."
..and the rest
B'Elanna: "What's this "and the rest" nonsense???"
On Mystery Series Theatre 3000
{Opening on the bridge of Voyager we see it's only occupant is Seven of Nine who is lounging in the captain's chair reading "Star Trek: The Magazine." As the whoosh of an opening door is heard Tom Paris enters the scene.}
Paris: "What's the hub bub, bub?"
Seven (regarding Paris with the arch, then shrugs her shoulders, marking her page with a finger of her human hand): "Brannon Braga, I have noticed that the experiments after he took control of the series have had a fifty percent increase in riffable material."
Paris (grins, while taking his seat at helm): "Couldn't it be that we are just getting good at it?"
Seven (smiling): "It could be if he was not turning Kathryn into a mental patient, me into a cupie doll…"
Paris (interrupting): "Wait, wait, cupie doll?"
Seven: "Even Neelix had Kes, it's seems odd that a member of the crew many consider gorgeous has had a single date."
Paris: "A single, FAILED, date."
Seven: "Then there is my ability to work miracles, while our author is honest about being smitten with me, he also realizes my ability to solve virtually any problem is on the fringe of believable and so he plays it for comedic value. He still does not let it interfere with my growth and development as an individual."
(Paris looks around, crosses himself, and then refocuses on Seven.)
Paris: "Then there is the single mother syndrome."
Seven: "Yes… Mr. Braga will give me FIVE children, but no Kathryn, or anyone else for that matter."
Paris: "So he has something against you and the captain?"
Seven: "I think he has something against the fans. He will consistently receive praise from the fans for episodes like "Someone to Watch Over Me", "Barge of the Dead", or "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy." He instead makes multiple stories into the "Fair Haven" story arch."
Paris: "Making me his evil minion, but to be fair can we lay ALL the blame at his feet?"
Seven: "As Kathryn might say "It comes with the title.", but there is more."
(Seven hands Paris the magazine and points out a certain part.)
Paris (incredulous): "A Borg resistance movement? I thought resistance is futile."
Seven (sighing): "It is."
Paris: "At least it looks like you will get a romantic interest."
Seven: "What is it B'Elanna likes to say? "Hope in one hand, cr…"
Paris (interrupting, chuckling): "I'm familiar with the phrase. Still, I think we need to cut this short, B'Elanna sent me here to tell you we are approaching another experiment and we need to get to the holodeck."
(Seven and Paris get up and walk to the turbolift, Seven recycling the magazine as they pass a replicator.)
Seven: "I just fail to understand what ANYONE could see in Brannon Braga."
(Paris bites his lip laughing to himself as the turbolift doors close.)
{The scene changes to the theater, the silhouettes of the crew shuffling, settling into familiar seats: (left to right) Seven, Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Kim, Paris, B'Elanna, and the Doctor.}
B'Elanna: "What kept you two?"
Paris: "Discussing what is wrong with the universe."
Harry: "You mean like the lack of racial unity?"
Seven: "More like the lack of story unity."
Tuvok: "Conclusions?"
Seven: "All the problems in the universe stem from Branon Braga's utter lack of professionalism."
{The screen comes to life with Voyager flying past a star.}
Tuvok: "Heroes and Demons" or "The Cast and The Production Staff."
{Changing to engineering, Janeway entering with her hair in a rather familiar style bun.}
(All but Janeway look at Seven, back at the screens Janeway, back at Seven.)
(Seven smirks.)
{They beam in the two energy samples.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "We figured there was plenty of known energy churning through this area so we decided to beam in some unknown, possibly unstable energy in."
Doctor: "Well I am sure engineering had equipment you could not find in say… a science lab?"
Paris (whispering announcer voice): "Captain Janeway, can you tell the difference between our brand of energy sample and the brand X energy sample?"
{They beam in two samples of writhing orange energy.}
Paris: "Woo Hoo! Lava lamps!"
{Captain Janeway asks B'Elanna if she could use Ensign Kim's help.}
B'Elanna: "Hell no! I mean, no reason to make Harry give up his free time."
{Janeway tells the computer to locate Ensign Kim.}
All (as the computer): "Ensign Who?"
{On the bridge Tuvok says Ensign Kim had not left the ship via conventional means.}
Harry (as himself, supposedly off-screen): "Hey, guys, I'm over here, HELLO!"
{Chakotay says that Harry's last shift ended 4 hours previous.}
Chakotay (as himself): "The little tike could be anywhere by now."
{Since Harry's last location was the holodeck Janeway orders them to scan it.}
Janeway (as herself): "Scan for, and delete, anything Irish."
{Tuvok says that there is significant interference on the holodeck.}
(The crew whimpers.)
{At the holodeck controls Tuvok says a program is definitely running.}
(The crew whimpers twice.)
{Tuvok says the controls are apparently not active.}
(The crew whimpers three times.)
{Chakotay and Tuvok enter the holodeck.}
Harry: "I'm not worth it, escape the holo-episode while you can!"
{On the holodeck Tuvok asks Chakotay about the Beowulf story.}
Paris (as Tuvok): "Enlighten me, oh Commander Exposition."
{Tuvok says he can not register any life signs, but there is still a great deal of interference.}
Tuvok (as himself): "I was sure that our tiny hand held sensors would be able to find what the gigantic ships sensors could not."
{Freya throws her spear, starts her challenge, and then draws her sword.}
Tuvok: "Security procedures must have been more lax during this time period as my deputies would have their weapons readied BEFORE making any challenge."
Chakotay: "and wouldn't cut their amount of weaponry in half just to get some ones attention."
{Freya tells them her duty as guard and that they must identify themselves.}
Chakotay: "I thought Paris liked to talk."
Tuvok: "At least her babbling has purpose."
B'Elanna: "Yet her ability to ramble speaks of another Paris holo-creation."
Paris: "I disavow any knowledge of this holo-episode, it clearly states that its Harry's fault."
(Harry sinks down into his chair.)
{Freya gives the heroic description of Harry.}
Paris (grinning): "Yep, 100% Harry's fault."
{They continue their monologue about using the story to find Harry.}
Tuvok: "A rather unobservant sentinel."
Seven: "I do not believe she can be held at fault. You two are doubtlessly boring her senseless."
{She tells them of Harry's death.}
Doctor: "Harry's dead, I'm not sure what to feel?"
Janeway: "Anger, or sadness?"
Doctor: "Relief, or elation?"
{They enter the hall, and find the chieftain. A man with white hair and beard clad in white robe and brown breastplate.}
Harry: "It's Santa!"
Paris (singing): "S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S hooray for Santy Claus."
Chakotay: "Those must be his around the house clothes."
{The chief says he would welcome them to his hall.}
Doctor (as the chief): "but I've heard of you Voyager types."
{He tells them they share their grief for their kinsman.}
B'Elanna: "So they feel sorry for Tuvok and Chakotay because there related to Harry?"
{The chieftain tells them that Grendel attacks them in their sleep, because light and laughter repel it.}
Janeway: "I guess working in shifts hasn't been invented yet."
{He says nothing can done to stop it.}
Harry (as the chieftain): "This episode has barely begun."
{The chieftain says that Death lives there now.}
Paris (as the chieftain): "Luckily, Death is on a 6 month lease."
{The chief's guard says it is time for his lord to retire.}
Janeway (as the chief's guard): "For 30 years of dedicated service."
{When they ask to see Grendel the guard yells at them for raising false hopes, and tells them to leave them alone to their misery.}
All: "We would, if we could."
{The guard tells them that no songs are sung of their deeds.}
Paris: "Well, there is a limerick about Tuvok making the rounds of the lower decks."
{The chieftain calls his guard off and tells them they may stand watch.}
(Tuvok twitches.)
Janeway (as the chieftain): "Sure, I just met you 5 minutes ago, but you look trustworthy."
{Freya tells Tuvok and Chakotay that she hopes to see them again.}
Doctor: "She's obviously a hologram, since she was able to say that with a straight face."
{They call to Janeway as it switches to the bridge and they tell her of Harry's possible death, which causes Janeway to look stricken.}
Harry: "Why captain, I didn't know you cared."
Janeway: "Of course I do, with Maggie Malone back in the Alpha Quadrant…"
{Moving back to the holodeck where they scan for the holodecks systems.}
B'Elanna: "Because they couldn't … oh say… access them from outside the holodeck?"
Doctor: "Lt. Torres?"
B'Elanna (sighing): "I'm fine, I'm fine."
{Chakotay and Tuvok talk of the nature and origin of monsters.}
Chakotay: "So as the spiritual one it is my job to debunk all things mystic?"
Janeway: "Apparently so."
Chakotay: "That's just sick!"
{Tuvok talks of their being no demons in Vulcan literature.}
Tuvok (as himself): "Because we were ALWAYS logical."
Chakotay (as himself): "What about the ancient Vulcan gods?"
Tuvok (growling as himself): "We are always LOGICAL!"
{From the bridge Janeway hails them and tells them they analyzed the tricorder readings.}
Doctor (as Janeway): "Which managed to penetrate the magic shell around the holodeck our main sensors could not."
{B'Elanna and the captain tell Chakotay and Tuvok about the photonic energy, and how it must have leaked when they had the problem beaming in the sample in engineering.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Sure we had a unknown energy going haywire in my engine room, but I figured it was ok."
{Switching between the holodeck and the bridge they discuss Harry's possible transformation into energy.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Permission to remove the holodeck safeties? At this point they're just taking up space."
{Tuvok and Chakotay observe Grendel, and when the bridge detects matter to energy conversion they try to beam them out.}
Chakotay (turning to Tuvok): "Look at it this way, at least we are out of the episode."
{In the ready room Janeway, Torres, and Paris go over the converter nodes and what happened.}
Paris (standing up, looking around the theater): "Everyone up to speed now?"
{A jump cut to sick bay and a close up on the Doctors face.}
All (except the Doctor): "Ahh!"
{Paris explains his idea about using the Doctor on the holodeck.}
Harry: "SEE, Paris is involved too!"
Tuvok: "We should have known Mr. Paris would not stay away."
{Janeway tells him to think of it as his first away mission. She tells him that three lives are at stake to which he says he is aware.}
Doctor (as himself): "I just don't give a damn."
{Janeway tells him his modifications will be ready in three hours.}
Doctor (as himself): "but I haven't."
Janeway (as herself): "I just want you to know, were all behind you."
Doctor (as himself): "but…"
Janeway (as herself): "and now I have to go, good luck."
Doctor (as himself): "but… but…"
{Kes asks the Doctor if he has decided on a name.}
Doctor (high tech reverb): "I am IRON MAN!"
Paris (singing): "Some people call me Maurice."
(The rest make the "wee wew" guitar sound.)
{He says he has narrowed it to three names.}
Harry (Australian accent): "Bruce, Bruce, or Bruce."
{Working at a terminal in sickbay Paris hails the captain and tells her he is ready for the transfer.}
Paris (as himself): "Ok, I want to take $200 from savings…. I hate these ATMs!"
{Freya challenges the Doctor and he recites a small bio on her.}
Paris: "Knows too much about pointless things, likes to take pictures… all he needs is a loud Hawaiian shirt."
Tuvok: "and black socks with sandals."
{Freya asks the Doctor his name.}
Paris (singing): "Let me, introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste."
(The rest sing several repetitions of woo woo while Paris sings.)
Doctor (as himself): "I am the walrus goo goo gajoob."
Harry (as the Doctor): "I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"
{They have a fortunate encounter with a native plant.}
Chakotay: "That isn't the only thing that's been planted."
{The chieftain says that he would bid the Doctor greetings.}
Seven (as the chieftain): "but this is the third time now. It's getting old."
{As the Guard challenges the Doctor, Freya hands him her sword, which promptly drops to the floor.}
Janeway: "Freudian symbolism? You be the judge."
{The Guard's sword passes through the Doctor.}
Chakotay: "That Doctor, all talk, no substance."
{The whole room starts chanting Schweitzer.}
Paris: "They must be having an allergic reaction to that plant."
{The feasting.}
Harry: "The eating scene ladies and gentleman, the eating scene."
{The chieftain offers the Doctor a tour.}
Chakotay: "We didn't get a tour."
{The Guard calls the chieftain to rest.}
Doctor (as himself): "Saved by the blowhard."
{Freya stokes the fires.}
Harry & Paris: "Sayyyyyyyyyyyy."
Janeway: "Freudian symbolism? You be the judge."
{Freya kisses the Doctor.}
Seven: "See? Even the Doctor gets some!"
{As Freya leaves, inviting to the Doctor to her quarters, Grendel starts to appear and he hails the bridge. Janeway telling him they are monitoring him.}
Janeway (as herself, over the commbadge): "We've been monitoring you, you naughty, naughty hologram."
{The Doctor is transferred back to sickbay missing an arm from the elbow down.}
Harry: "Come on Paris, aren't you going to give the guy a hand?"
All (but Harry): "OW! ENSIGN KIM!"
{Paris says the captain may want to come take a look at it.}
Janeway (as herself): "Frankly Mr. Paris I've seen quite enough."
{The scene freezes as the doors open and the crew pile out.}
{The scene reopening on the bridge the crew relaxing at their various stations. Seven starting to react to something on her viewscreen.}
(Seven's eyes get wide and an opened jawed smile appears on her face as she keys a few commands into her console.)
Janeway (standing up and taking a few steps towards Seven): "Seven? Is something wrong?"
Seven: (stepping from her console towards the captain, a smile on her face even as she arches her implant): "No, captain."
(In a single motion seven of Nine sweeps Janeway up in her arms into a passionate embrace. The captain's eyes first going wide in shock, then becoming lidded as she instinctively relaxes into her partner's embrace. The rest of the crew looks on; confused, Harry Kim then stepping up to Seven's console to read what is there, a similar look of shocked joy appears on the Ensign's face.)
Harry: "Captain, it can not be confirmed, but this says that Braga will NOT be returning for the seventh season!"
(The camera jumps to the kiss being shared by the captain and Seven as "Hallelujah" starts being sung by a Heavenly choir. Pulling back, past the hull of Voyager, to a starfield where countless stars are being born, brilliantly bursting into new life, shots are shown of races, both familiar and unknown engaged in celebration. The shot then jumping back to the Captain and Seven as their kiss parts, the two looking into each others eyes, joyous smiles on both their faces. As the camera shows the rest of the bridge Tom and B'Elanna can be seen celebrating like the Captain and Seven. Harry looks at Tuvok and takes a step towards him, and Tuvok pulls a phaser on Harry. The Doctor and Chakotay are seen replicating champagne in the background.)
Janeway (voice breathless, awed): "He's gone."
Seven (smiling): "He's gone."
Tuvok (seeing Kim step back he holsters his phaser): "Even if unconfirmed, it is most welcome news."
Chakotay (Handing champagne to Seven, and the Captain.): "Looks like you two will be allowed in the same room again."
(Janeway and Seven grin.)
Doctor (Handing champagne to Harry, Tuvok, Tom and B'Elanna, then conjuring a holographic glass for himself.): "Maybe we will even see my ethical subroutines reactivated."
Paris: "I suppose if we have a choice between evil and annoying…"
(The Doctor throws Paris a glare, then smiles with the rest of the crew.)
Doctor: "If we only had that choice for you Mr. Paris."
(The crew chuckle.)
Harry: "Suddenly the world seems shiny, and new."
B'Elanna (laughing): "That's because it is."
Seven: "Will this effect the experiments?"
Janeway (sighing): "Doubtful darling, even if the seventh season is the best ever there are six more worth of material."
Paris: "Wait… SEVENth?"
(The crew laugh.)
Janeway (grinning): "I new she was a keeper the second I saw her."
(Janeway kisses Seven.)
Paris (looking at the helm): "Well consider her our gift to you, from the USS Voyager, and now these words from our experiment."
{As Paris keys his console the crew pile into the turbolift.}
{The silhouettes of the crew shuffle about the theater as they take their seats.}
{In sickbay the Doctor tests his new arm while Janeway tells him the photonic energy disrupted his magnetic cohesion, but that they are not sure that's what happened to the others.}
Tuvok, Chakotay, and Harry: "We have magnetic cohesion?"
{B'Elanna leaves sickbay to experiment in engineering where the energy breaks from the containment field and leaves through a wall.}
B'Elanna (sighing): "For my next trick I am going to stand in a pool of petroleum and smoke."
{They try to erect a containment field to contain the energy.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Maybe it will work better then the one it just broke out of."
{Janeway tells them to be ready to seal the hull breach created by the energy being with a force field.}
Janeway (as herself): "Because while it seemed to pass harmlessly through the wall of engineering we will need to deal with the hole it has decided to make."
B'Elanna (as herself): "Amazing captain, how did you know the automatic system that seals hull breaches was down?"
{In sickbay Janeway says they have 3 missing crewmembers.}
Janeway (as herself): "Well, in this case more like two and a quarter, two and a half."
{Janeway says that it is not a stretch to connect the three distinct patterns to the three missing crew.}
Seven: "Excellent logic sweetheart."
{They talk about the energy being taking hostages.}
Doctor (as himself): "They are demanding ten million dollars in small, unmarked bills and a chopper to the airport."
{Janeway says the Doctor would normally need more training, but he is the only one who can do it safely.}
Janeway (as herself): "Sure, you can be torn limb from limb, but we can fix that."
{The Doctor says he would like to finish what he started.}
Doctor: "As a physician it is my duty to relieve suffering. So I wish to do all I can to end this episode."
{On the holodeck the Doctor finds Freya and tells her he brought a (lit, cylindrical) talisman.}
Doctor (as himself): "A Coleman brand talisman."
{During the fight scene.}
Doctor (making motions to his screen self): "Put DOWN the container, and HELP the girl."
{Freya's death scene.}
Janeway: "Finally a time when a crewmember should have feelings for a hologram."
Seven: "Now if we just had a volunteer to stab Sullivan."
(The rest of the crew's hands shoot up.)
{Having entered the hall the Doctor holds the Guard at sword point, but tells him he will not die because of the Doctor's oath.}
Doctor (falls out of his chair): "An ethical act?"
B'Elanna (helping the Doctor back up): "We knew you had it in you."
{The Doctor calls forth Grendel and it appears.}
Chakotay (as Grendel): "This better be important, I was in the shower."
{The Doctor says he does not know if it can understand him.}
Doctor (as himself): "These plots can get pretty incomprehensible."
{They congratulate the Doctor while a costumed Harry asks where he was.}
Harry (as himself): "I don't care! I'll only be in this episode for 5 minutes tops!"
{In sickbay the captain wants to site the Doctor by name, but he says does not want to keep it.}
Doctor (as himself): "The gag's been running this long, and it's still funny. So why tamper with it?"
{Janeway smiles at the Doctor and tells him she has a feeling it will not be his last adventure.}
Seven: "It's times like this I just want to give Kathryn a big snuggly hug."
Janeway: "What's stopping you?"
{Seven grins and turns to Janeway. On the screen the final shot of Voyager flying by shrinks to picture in picture size. One the screen is a hellish landscape, the ground a cracked, blackened soil, while the wall behind seems of living flesh and bone. An otherwise typical desk, circa late 20th, early 21st century is seen. It's office chair, which was turned away, turns to face the crew, revealing Brannon Braga.}
Braga: "Not so fast you two!"
Seven (pulls Janeway into a hug): "Try and stop us."
Paris: "The turning office chair revealing the villain? This guy LIVES bad writing."
Braga: "All part of my "deal" with Paramount."
{The picture in picture goes blank and vanishes.}
Chakotay: "What do you want exactly?"
Braga: "I may no longer be able to have Seven of Nine as my personal plaything, but I didn't drive Janeway mad just to have Seven nurse her back to health."
Janeway (grinning, looking at Seven's chest): "Nurse?"
Seven (speaking low, soft): "Later, later."
Paris: "Are we allowed to riff Braga himself?"
Tuvok: "I believe "Fire at will" applies."
Braga (keeping his cool, but his eyes enraged): "As I believe you know I have a fondness for three part episodes."
Janeway (looking up from nibbling Seven's ear): "I survived Fair Haven and Spirit Folk, Seven of Nine was kind enough to help me recover."
(Seven grins.)
Braga (nostrils starting to flare): "You don't have to worry about that yet, you have two more episodes in this experiment that you'll have to survive."
Paris: "T… t…. Two?"
Braga (starting to grin): "Yes, two."
Seven: "How did YOU get control of the experiments?"
Braga (sounding like he's talking business, but giving Seven a pointed look): "The Queen and I have a… "interest" in common."
(Seven looks up from kissing Janeway's neck where her head drifted in her boredom while listening to Braga.)
Seven: "You mean obsession."
Braga (face going rigid once more): "She also knew that I could find the episodes that would be over your heads."
Doctor: "In other words, the episodes that only make sense in his own twisted psyche."
Braga: "That and my work on the new Trek series had the Queen happy to give me this chance to talk to…"
Tuvok (interrupting): "Torment."
(While this is happening Janeway's head is rolling back under Seven's attention.)
Braga: "… talk to all of you. My legacy will live on."
Paris: "True enough, some scars never heal."
{With a growl the screen goes blank.}
Tuvok: "I do believe that was a deliberate action. Since it seemed to greatly effect Mr. Braga."
Seven: "Think of it as the PDA system."
B'Elanna: "PDA?"
Seven: "Public Displays of Affection."
Janeway: "If it means I get some sugar, so much the better."
{The screen comes back to life with Chakotay suprising two crewmembers kissing in the turbolift.}
Tuvok (as Barry White): "Oh yeah baby, tonight on a VERY special episode of Star Trek: Voyager."
Janeway: "Nice Barry White, Tuvok."
Tuvok (as Barry White): "Thank you."
Tuvok (clears his throat): "Thank you captain."
Seven: "An episode which will have more loving then I'll get in several seasons."
Doctor: "Elogium", or the Ocampan version of "What's happening to my body?"
Paris (singing): "Girl, you'll be a woman soon."
Chakotay (as himself): "As you were…. Aww come on, continue."
{Paris arrives with Kes and asks Chakotay what happened and he is told it was an example of indiscrete shipboard fraternization.}
Paris (as himself): "Only an example? They must not be doing it right."
{Paris says he was sorry he missed it.}
Chakotay (as himself): "Don't worry, I took pictures."
{In the mess hall's kitchen Kes and Neelix find the beetle and he says the captain would not like finding it in her salad.}
Janeway: "I don't know, the drone I found has been particularly tasty."
{He grumbles that nothing is wrong, and Kes realizes there is.}
Tuvok: "Her empathic abilities are improving."
{Neelix brings up Kes seeing Paris later.}
B'Elanna (as Kes): "Yes, he said he wanted to introduce me to his friend John Thomas."
{Neelix says that he used to look at women the way Paris does.}
Paris: "He must have either went blind, or gay."
{Neelix tell Kes he will be able to manage the cabbage with out her.}
Seven: "Maybe Kathryn and I could use that for our next fight, making up by driving the other person out of the room."
{The crew gathers on the bridge because of a strange energy signature and Paris asks Janeway if they know what it is.}
Janeway (as herself): "The anomaly of the week."
{Janeway asks Chakotay why he is distracted and he tells her about the encounter in the turbolift.}
Chakotay (as himself): "It reminded me I haven't had any since Seska left the ship."
{Chakotay suggests the restrictions on fraternization.}
Chakotay (as himself): "If I'm not getting any, nobody else will either."
{Janeway seems reluctant.}
Janeway (as herself): "I'm not going to make rules I won't be able to keep."
{Janeway says she understands what he is saying.}
Janeway (as herself): "Then I lay eyes on Seven, and I just don't care."
{She says that they are alone out there and eventually they will start pairing off, and Chakotay asks if that includes her.}
Janeway (as herself): "As soon as we hit Borg space."
{Janeway says that is not an option for her as captain.}
(All but Seven and the captain guffaw.)
Seven (as Tuvok): "Captain, we are receiving a transmission from Borg space, it says "Rank is irrelevant."
Janeway (as herself): "As captain I can not openly fraternize with one of my crew. So I will have to sit and simmer in frustration until astrometrics clears out."
{Janeway says that she plans on having them home before Mark gives her up for dead.}
Seven (as Janeway): "and before Seven of Nine gets her cube to Earth orbit above his house."
{As they approach the cloud they talk of trying to avoid disturbing it.}
(All of them sigh.)
Paris (as himself): "Plot line dead ahead."
Janeway (as herself): "Evasive maneuvers!"
{In the airponics bay Kes eats the beetles, and then seems shocked at doing so.}
Doctor: "There was noting else to eat, or did she think snack faeries came and left her popcorn?"
B'Elanna (as Kes): "I forgot to cover them in chocolate!"
{On the bridge Tuvok says the swarm is not particularly dense.}
Tuvok (as himself): "The writers are however."
{Paris says the swarm is really moving.}
Paris (as himself): "They're a movin, they're a groovin, they're getting into that funky beat."
{Ensign Wildman suggests they may be scaring them.}
Seven (as Wildman): "Especially if they have seen a previous episode of Voyager."
{Chakotay tells the captain they don't have much of a digestive system, but a porous out surface. Janeway then saying it is amazing to find a spaceborn species that metabolizes inorganic matter.}
Doctor (as Janeway): "Metabolizing it with the digestive system it barely has."
{In her quarters Kes hides dishes before letting in Neelix. As he enters she asks him what the flowers are for.}
Seven & B'Elanna: "Make up flowers."
{Kes tells Neelix about her craving for mashed potatoes, mixed with dirt.}
Harry: "So she wants a TV dinner?"
{As Neelix pulls Kes from her quarters she starts to eat the flowers he brought her.}
B'Elanna: "Why do I have the feeling her vases are full of candy?"
Paris: "Well if it was the flowers or Neelixes cooking…"
{On the bridge the crew finds out the life forms are attracting them.}
Tuvok (as Barry White): "Ah yeah baby, you can't stay away."
{Paris says they are being pulled in.}
Janeway: "Freudian symbolism? You be the judge."
{The scene changes to the main lighting in the bridge flickering.}
Harry: "My Simon game!"
{The crew tries to find a way to get out of the anomaly with out engaging the wrap drive. When B'Elanna suggests a Targ scoop Janeway asks her to explain.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "It means I'll pull something out of thin air like I always do."
{In sickbay Neelix pesters the Doctor to see if he has any ideas about her condition.}
Doctor (as himself): "I do have one idea, sedate the Talaxian."
{Neelix comes to the bridge and complains about getting thrown out of sickbay.}
Paris (as Neelix): "It's one of the few places on the ship I had not been thrown out of!"
{On the bridge he complains to Janeway about the holographic Doctor throwing him out of sickbay.}
Doctor (as Janeway): "Captain, the Doctor threw me out of sickbay. Captain, the Doctor's not nice enough when treating me. Captain, the Doctor's performing unnecessary surgeries on the crew again. Would you quit your bellyaching?"
{Neelix complains the Doctor was not allowing him to comfort Kes.}
Janeway (as herself): "Well if you are showing half the discretion you are now, pulling me away from an emergency situation to tell me how the Doctor's being mean to you."
{In sickbay, the Doctor tells Janeway that Kes jumped up screeching.}
Seven: "Well, those instruments are cold."
{He then says she erected a force field to keep him out of his own office.}
Doctor (as himself): "Then she disabled the holographic projectors to keep me from projecting myself inside."
{Janeway and Neelix plead with Kes to lower the force field.}
Paris (as Neelix): "I promise, I won't make you eat my cooking ever again."
Janeway (as herself): "I'm so upset that I can not remember my codes to override her force field."
Chakotay: "The poor thing must have realized how short her life span is and how long Voyager is going to run."
{Janeway has Neelix step aside.}
Seven: "The captain is quite good at comforting young women."
{Janeway says that she may be able to help.}
Seven: "A young woman reaching sexual maturity, I can guarantee it."
{Kes lowers the force field.}
Tuvok: "Kes, does seem quite responsive to the captain."
Seven (arching her brow): "The captain is the one who taught me that resistance really is futile."
(Janeway smiles fondly and rests her hand on Seven's knee.)
Seven (voice gone distant, dreamy): "That smoky, authoritative voice, those arms wrapped around me…"
(Janeway shakes Seven's knee, then moves her hand to Seven's shoulder and gives it a shake, Seven's face still looking dreamy and distant. Janeway waving her hand in front of Seven's face.)
Janeway (grinning): "The atmosphere of the episode must have gotten to her."
Doctor: "That, or the episode is so bad it's made her catatonic."
Janeway (looking stricken): Doctor?"
Doctor: "Don't worry captain, either way she's not feeling anymore pain. If she does not come to on her own we can escort her to sickbay on the next break."
{Kes describes the growth on her back where the baby will mature.}
Harry: "She'll have a baby on her back?"
{Kes explains she's too young to go through the elogium.}
Chakotay: Does that mean Neelix was dating a prepubescent?"
All (but the still distant Seven): "Ewwwwwwwwww!"
{Back on the bridge Chakotay tells the captain there has been no change.}
Chakotay (as himself): "This still looks like some silly, sex happy episode."
{In her ready room Janeway tells Chakotay about the elogium.}
Janeway (as herself): "She seems to keep asking for my presence for some strange reason."
{They talk about procreation.}
Paris: "Talking procreation with the captain? I think you're lucky that Seven is off in lala land Chakotay."
Chakotay (looking at his screen image, then up at his own hair): "Anyone know what happened to my gray highlights?"
{Janeway talks about her reservations about having children.}
Harry: "I think the captain is lucky Seven is off in lala land."
{In her quarters Kes talks with Neelix about having children.}
Doctor (as Neelix): "I… I… I'm shocked you want to have the child with me."
Harry: "Ahh yes, nothing makes a man think of reproducing like that sweaty, freaked out look."
Paris (casting a sideways glance at B'Elanna): "I don't know Harry, there's something about the sweat running down…"
{They talk about if it will be safe for her to have children at her young age.}
B'Elanna (as Kes): "Ensign Buttafuco seemed to think it was ok."
{Kes asks Neelix if he could see himself as a father.}
Paris (as Neelix): "I just never saw a woman being willing to touch me."
{Kes talks for having children, Neelix talks against.}
Paris: "We get the point, Kes wants to have kids, Neelix doesn't!"
{Kes shows up her hands showing Neelix they are ready for the mating bond, and he asks her what the bonding chemical is.}
Harry (as Neelix): "Did you run out of Kleenex?"
{She explains that they must stay bonded for six days.}
Paris: "Six days! You women must think were machines!"
(B'Elanna grins and pats Tom's knee. Janeway starting to look thoughtful.}
B'Elanna: "Captain?"
Janeway: "What about a partial machine?"
(Janeway and B'Elanna grin at each other.)
{Neelix seems relieved they have 50 hours.}
Tuvok: "In Mr. Neelixes defense, he seems to be putting more thought into the matter then Kes."
B'Elanna: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Tuvok: "While one can never be fully prepared for parenthood it is not a matter to be entered into lightly."
{In mess hall Neelix asks Tuvok about his family and learns Tuvok has four children.}
Paris: "That explains it! The strict controlling nature, being ABSOLUTELY sure he is right, not hesitating to tell others exactly what he thinks… HE'S A DAD!"
Tuvok: "My being a father is an established fact. Are you saying you just realized it?"
Paris: "Well…"
{The parenting discussion continues.}
Chakotay: "Another touching moment."
Harry: "With Tuvok."
Tuvok: "I would like to point out that the series greatest weakness lies in it's lack of logic, and that the touching moments seem to have Seven of Nine, or myself."
{Tuvok reminds that a daughter is as likely as a son.}
Doctor (as Neelix): "A daughter? Not my son."
{Tuvok explains that raising a daughter is like raising a son.}
Tuvok (as himself): "I would suggest that you do not let the captain or Lt. Torres hear you make such comparisons."
{On the bridge Lt. Torres is ready with her "Targ scoop".}
Tuvok (as himself): "I must thank you Lieutenant for timing your efforts to culminate after Mr. Neelix and I had finished our conversation."
B'Elanna (as herself): "No problem, all part of being a Starfleet engineer."
{The alien beings in the anomaly roll over and turn blue as Voyager starts to leave.}
Doctor (singing): "They'll have a blue Christmas with out us, such a blue Christmas with out us."
{On the bridge they try to analyze the creatures behavior. B'Elanna noting it seems aggressive.}
B'Elanna: Of course, the Klingon wants to shoot it! Everyone knows the Klingon will always pick the violent solution. If I ever get my hands on those writers I'll show them a violent solution!"
{They discover the beings are attracted the their subspace emissions.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Well then let's go change those emissions."
Janeway (as herself): "We'll hear your suggestion in a moment lieutenant."
B'Elanna (as herself): "but… I could do it in a couple minutes."
Janeway (as herself): "Lieutenant Torres!"
B'Elanna (as herself): "…fine!"
Janeway (as herself): "Now, how do we get these creatures off of our nacelles?"
{Janeway asks Chakotay if he thinks it is a sexual attraction.}
Chakotay (as himself, voice sounding husky): "Oh yes, captain!"
Chakotay (as himself): "Oh, you mean the swarm."
Seven: "As Mister Paris said, you are lucky I was in lala land."
Janeway (smiling, kissing Seven): "Welcome back darling."
Seven: " I was not sure if I wanted to return, apparently the SHIP is now getting more lovin then I do."
Janeway (her voice getting low and husky, placing her hand on Seven's thigh): "I think I do all right."
Seven (blushing): "I… meant… my character."
{Chakotay tells how color change and provocative movements are part of many mating rituals.}
Doctor: "Now I know why Seven asked me to make biosuits beyond the basic silver."
{Chakotay says that the beings seem to be attracted to them in a sexual manner.}
Janeway (as herself): "All this talk of mating… set a course for Borg space, maximum warp."
{In her quarters Neelix walks in and tells Kes to order the diapers.}
Harry (as Neelix): "I had an accident."
All (except Harry): "Ensign Kim!"
Harry: "Don't give me that, you all thought of it. I just had the guts."
{Kes asks Neelix if that means he wants to mate with her.}
Paris (as Neelix): "The mating part was never in question sweetie."
{He says he had just not thought it through.}
Tuvok: "I believe that is the most restraint shown by any member of the crew outside of myself."
(Seven clears her throat.)
Tuvok: "I stand by my words."
{Neelix asks what happens next.}
Harry (English accent): "Know what I mean, know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge."
{She tells him about needing her feet massaged until her tongue swells.}
Paris (as Neelix): "Ok, ok, swelling tongue, that sounds promising."
{Kes tells him the if the captain were not busy she would ask her to do it.}
Seven (as Kes): "Those small, yet strong hands…"
Janeway (putting a hand on Sevens knee): "Annika?"
Seven (taking Janeway's hand in her own): "I am alright Kathryn."
{When she suggests the Doctor he asks if it would work since he is not a real person.}
Paris: "Hear, hear."
(The Doctor reaches behind B'Elanna and smacks Paris in the back of the head.)
Paris: "Hey!"
(The Doctor and B'Elanna share a grin and a handshake.)
{Kes and the Doctor talk about Ocampan mating rituals.}
Chakotay: "A tender moment. Ladies and Gentlemen, a tender moment."
{She eventually tells him about seeming to hear her father's voice.}
Doctor: "A patient comes into my sickbay, sweaty, pale, with circles under her eyes and claiming she is hearing voices. So I am helping her have a child?"
{The Doctor offers her medical advice in place of an opinion.}
Doctor (as himself): "Don't bother me with this touchy, feely crap."
{Kes suggests they have a mind to look beyond basic biological urges.}
(Everyone looks at Paris.)
Paris: "What?"
{On the bridge B'Elanna finds a way to create an impulse burst.}
(B'Elanna makes a motion like she's plucking something out of thin air.)
{A shot outside the ship shows the creature slamming the ship.}
Harry: "It belly bumped us!"
{The creature releases it's plasma burst, and Harry reports shields are at 60%.}
B'Elanna: "So IT was able to get past our shields, but it's plasma burst can't?"
{As Voyager rolls and makes them selves look blue Tuvok notes they have lost their sex appeal.}
Paris: "If there is anyone who knows how to ruin a moment, it's Tuvok."
{Janeway says that she now knows where to go when she has mating questions.}
All: "CARGO BAY TWO!"
{In the mess halls kitchen Kes and Neelix talk about having children.}
B'Elanna: "Well we had to go across the universe to do it, but we did it. We found a man who is not afraid of commitment."
Tuvok: "Vulcans are not afraid of commitment."
B'Elanna: "Vulcans are not afraid period. Even they would not bother mating if it were not for Pon Farr."
{Samantha Wildman comes in and tells the captain about her pregnancy.}
Seven (smiling): "and Naomi is introduced."
(Janeway smiles at Seven as she stands.)
Janeway: "On that happy note, let's get out of here."
{The screen goes blank as the crew exits.}
Chakotay: "Man, a whole episode with out a break."
{Changing to a scene of the bridge of Voyager. Near the captains chair Seven of Nine and Janeway stand, foreheads resting against each other as they trace each other's faces with their fingers. B'Elanna has taken a seat on the floor to the right of the helm, where she cradles the head of the prone Tom Paris in her lap as she lightly rubs his temples. The sandy hair helmsman stretched out, smiling tiredly, but fondly up at her. At the far left corner Chakotay can be seen with his medicine bundle, the far right holding Tuvok with his Vulcan meditation lamp. Harry standing at his station is being scanned by the Doctor. The EMH then moves from person to person as he scans.}
Paris: "Where's that akuna thing Chakotay?"
Chakotay: "In the mind of a writer afraid of looking like he was endorsing drug use."
Harry: "Well it DOES involve drug use doesn't it?"
Chakotay: "That's like comparing sacramental wine to Budweiser, and the akuna is like having a Catholic priest performing communion with a hypospray. Of course they already reduced our spirits to controlled hallucinations and alien beings."
Tuvok (still seeming in meditation): "The spirit is something they have decided is to be touched upon when convenient, and then otherwise tucked away in order not to offend anyone."
Seven & Janeway: "Something WE are all too familiar with."
Harry: "Perhaps you should prep the writers for a spinal cord infusion, Doctor."
Doctor: "I would have to make it an implantation since they don't have any spines of their own."
B'Elanna: "Paramount probably had them removed."
Seven: "No, that was their souls."
Janeway: "Doctor, crew status."
Doctor: "That which does not kill us has only made us stronger. Though I am recommending off duty rotation is extended."
Janeway: "Three experiments, triple the normal off duty rotation."
Seven (smiling at Janeway): "Seems only fair."
The rest (sounding lifeless): "Yay."
(A pained groan is heard from Ensign Kim, the crew knows what it means as they automatically shuffle off to the turbolift.)
{Back in their familiar seats: (left to right) Seven, Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Kim, Paris, B'Elanna, and the Doctor, the crew watches the screen as it comes back to life.}
Chakotay: "I want to make a wise crack, but I'm just too tired."
Janeway: "Just say to yourself, it's only a TV series, it's only a TV series."
Seven: "It's also just one more episode of it."
Paris: "It would be a shame to give up so close to the finish line."
Tuvok: "Latent Image" The image may be latent, but I am sure we shall be seeing it for months to come."
Harry: "Every time we close our eyes."
{The screen comes to life with the Doctor's holo-imager the screen then changing to show Neelix through the imager's sights.}
Tuvok: "Wanted, Neelix, For impersonating a chef."
{The sites change to B'Elanna Torres.}
Tuvok: "Wanted, B'Elanna Torres, For assault, and terroristic threats."
{The sites change to Tom Paris.}
Tuvok: "Wanted, Tom Paris, For {See attached File.}."
{The sites change to someone identified as Renlay Shar.}
Tuvok: "Wanted, Renlay Shar, For the wearing of a Starfleet uniform with out proper character introduction."
{The sites first scan too high, then drop to see Naomi Wildman.}
Seven (obviously happy): "Naomi!"
Tuvok: "Wanted, Naomi Wildman, For Aggravated Adorableness, Running illegal games of Kadis Kot, and Contributing to the immaturity of an adult."
{Naomi asks if it is going to hurt, and the Doctor assures her it won't.}
Seven (as the Doctor): "If it did Seven would program me a new one."
{Naomi asks why they didn't do it last year.}
Doctor (speaking in a light, reassuring tone as himself): "The writers were in rehab at this time last year."
{Naomi asks if there is anything wrong with her.}
Janeway (as the Doctor): "Well, your cuteness is growing at an exponential rate."
{The Doctor tells Naomi he will be taking the picture down to the subatomic level.}
Chakotay (as the Doctor): "I'll just be tearing your atoms apart and putting them back together. It'll be fun."
{The Doctor lets her take his picture and she imitates him.}
Seven (grinning proudly): "She's a natural born MSTie."
{Harry now in the sickbay with the Doctor is told it will only take a moment to download the images into the computer.}
Doctor (as himself): "At which point I will cut off your heads and paste them on to naked bodies."
{The holo-Harry is built from the inside out.}
(Paris holds three fingers up, doing a countdown.)
Paris & the Doctor: "There's two of him!"
{The Doctor orders the computer to magnify the base of Harry's skull.}
Doctor (as himself): "If I didn't know better, I would say there was a brain here."
{The Doctor finds scar tissue.}
Doctor (as himself): "Good news Mr. Kim, it appears your personality is a result of physical damage, and I'll be able to fix it."
{The Doctor discovers he performed surgery on Mr. Kim, but neither remembers it.}
Harry: "Great I probably got drunk and woke up with the Doctor… performing surgery on me."
{The Doctor comes to the ready room to give Janeway her physical.}
Doctor (voce imitating a microphone): "We have the ready room surrounded. Come out with your hands above your head and put your breast between the plates."
{The Doctor tells the captain he gave the crew their physicals, and the captain was a no show.}
Doctor (as himself): "and NO, playing doctor with Seven does not count."
{The Doctor asks if the captain has had any specific complaints."}
Janeway (as herself): "None other then the usual ones about the script."
{The Doctor updates the captain about the crew's condition, noting Seven's cranial infrastructure was suffering more wear and tear then usual.}
Janeway (as herself): "That would be my fault, I've been doing thigh exercises."
All (except Janeway): "CAPTAIN!"
{The Doctor says he will be doubling her maintenance schedule.}
Doctor: "Yep, I'll get her into the shop, put her up on the rack…"
Janeway: "How do you know about the rack?"
(Seven blushes.)
{The Doctor tells the captain about his holo-imaging and that she is the only one who has not posed for him yet.}
(Seven clears her throat while giving the Doctor an eyebrow arch and a grin. To which the Doctor blushes, as much as a hologram is able.)
{The Doctor goes to astrometrics and asks Seven a favor, and Seven declines.}
Paris: "Doc, get a clue Janeway seems busy, Seven seems busy, they probably have a date later or something."
{After Seven turns him down the Doctor says he's 2 for 2.}
Harry: "Wouldn't that be 0 for 2?"
{The Doctor says the captain is acting allergic to him, and his prize pupil won't give him the time of day.}
Seven (as herself): "It is 12:30, now go away."
{The Doctor describes the mystery surgery as a little mystery.}
Harry: "Operating on my brain is a little thing."
B'Elanna: "He must be referring to the size of the area being operated on."
{The Doctor says that he wanted her help running the self-diagnostic.}
All (as Seven): "But then it would not be a self-diagnostic."
{Now in sickbay Seven tells the Doctor that she is there to help him with his diagnostic, and he does not remember it.}
Paris: "He must be going senile, again."
{They look for the scans of Ensign Kim, which are found to be deleted.}
Tuvok (as the Doctor): "Well that's… blatantly suspicious."
{The Doctor says that if he were given to paranoia he would say someone was trying to keep him from remembering.}
Seven (as herself): "Perhaps Lt. Tuvok will agree to be your instructor in paranoia."
{On holodeck 2 the Doctor and Seven find out that the images from 18 months ago have been erased, but Seven is able to find residual photons in the holo-buffer.}
Seven (as herself): "Yes, residual photons, from a year and a half ago."
{Seven is able to recover 5 images, but they have been degraded.}
Doctor: "They aren't the only thing that's been degraded."
{In sickbay Seven manages to recover the Doctors memories, albeit out of sequence.}
Doctor (as himself): "They don't seem any more incoherent then the script."
{The Doctor tells Seven to call the captain.}
Seven (holding her hand up in a phone like gesture): "Hello captain? … What are you wearing?"
{In her ready room as Seven and the Doctor show the picture Tuvok suggests that they had been faked. The Doctor responding that the image buffer would have shown signs.}
Tuvok (as the Doctor): "Yes, over a year and a half would not have damaged any evidence."
{After Janeway tells Tuvok and Seven to begin a search for a possible intruder, she tells the Doctor to shut himself down instead of helping.}
Seven (as herself): "That seems… harmless enough."
{After Seven and the Doctor leave the ready room; Tuvok and Janeway share a look.}
Janeway (as herself): "Nothing to see here, nothing going on, not a single thing."
{In sickbay the Doctor backs up his memory, and sets up his recorder.}
Paris: "It's always bad news when the holograms start getting clever."
{The Doctor has the computer deactivate his program.}
Harry: "Those three special words… 'Deactivate the EMH."
{After the Doctors memories are erased he is reactivated and the memories restored. At which point he activates his imager and Captain Janeway is shown.}
Seven: "Normally taking pictures of Kathryn is a good thing."
{On the bridge Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok have a discussion about a sumo-wrestling match. Seven is seen at an auxiliary station.}
Janeway: "I am sitting around the bridge talking wrestling with the guys… that's it. I need another break."
All (but Janeway): "Hear, Hear."
{The screen freezes on the Doctor entering the bridge, as they stand and make their way to the doors.}
{The scene changes to the bridge where the crew is at their usual bridge stations.}
Paris: "So what is wrong with wrestling? … Besides the McMahon family?"
Tuvok: "I believe it is not wrestling, but when it was incorporated into the series, for the episode we used as a training device."
Seven: "Conveniently off screen."
(Janeway arches her eyebrows at her partner while; Seven and Harry share a grin.)
Janeway: "Exactly, the only good thing to come out of that was Seven's darling little gladiator outfit, and a line."
Harry: "Which line?"
Seven (getting the facial expression from Tsunkate): "Teach me."
Janeway (purring): "That's the one."
Chakotay: "I'll take 'Things Captain Kathryn Janeway loves to hear for $500 Alex."
Paris (as Peter Graves): "So captain, do you like gladiator moves?"
Janeway: "Not when they have me a unfeeling bitch."
(Seven seems to start working at something on her console.)
Doctor: "Yes, you seemed rather absent from the sickbay after one of your crew was returned from quite the harrowing experience."
Janeway: "Exactly, my feelings for Seven aside, if any of my crew were captured and forced to fight in an alien blood sport I would at least check, in person, on their condition."
B'Elanna: "A blood sport that had a rather earth sounding name."
Harry (whispering): "What are you working on Seven?"
Seven (whispering): "The replicator pattern for that gladiator costume."
(Harry looks like he wants to cry as he sees his own console.)
Harry: "It's episode sign everyone."
(As the crew gets back into the turbolift Seven rests an arms around Janeway's hips.)
Seven: "Hey baby, wannna wrestle?"
{The crew back in their normal seats, the screen comes back to life with the Doctor turning to face the captain, passing Seven at the auxiliary console as he does.}
Seven: "I must have decided astrometrics was not close enough to Kathryn."
{The Doctor accuses the Captain of a conspiracy and when Seven inquires, he tells the captain to tell her.}
Janeway (as herself): "Seven of Nine… I love you."
Doctor (as himself): "No, the other thing."
Janeway (as herself): "Seven of Nine… I've been a naughty, naughty captain."
Doctor (as himself): "No, no, the other thing!"
{The Doctor says they are all conspiring against him, and Janeway takes him to her ready room.}
Seven (as herself, sniffling): "But, but I'm the one she is supposed to be dragging into the ready room!"
{Janeway tells the Doctor about having to alter his program, and he compares it to performing unwanted surgery on her. To which she says she would be willing to if it saved her life.}
Seven (arching her implant): "Of course the Doctor would not know a thing about performing a surgery against the will of his patient."
Doctor: "I believe it can be considered Voyager cannon that my ethical subroutines are used sporadically at best."
{Ordered back to sickbay Chakotay, Paris and Seven come to prep the Doctor to be rewritten.}
Seven (as herself): "Relax Doctor, submitting to Captain Janeway can be… fulfilling."
{The Doctor asks Paris if he agrees with Janeway's decision to rewrite him.}
Paris (as himself): "Heck ya! It's about time!"
{The scene changing to the captain's quarters panning past her bed to find her sitting in a chair. Janeway is reclining in the chair with out her uniform tunic.}
(Seven gets a rather smitten grin.)
{The chime sounds and she gives the enter command, at which point Seven enters.}
Janeway (as herself): "Honey, you're home late."
{Janeway asks if Seven is having trouble regenerating.}
Seven (as herself): "The regeneration cycle ended and you were gone. I hate that."
{Seven tells the captain she is having trouble with the nature of individuality, captain Janeway telling her that 2 am, in her quarters is not the place for philosophical discussions.}
Paris (as Janeway): "It's time for the luvin."
Janeway (as herself): "Unless of course it's pillow talk."
{The captain offers to meet her in the mess hall the next day.}
Seven (as herself): "Wining and dining will not sway me… this time."
{Janeway tells Seven that if she is there to act as her conscience she is too late.}
Seven (as herself): "My research indicates that nagging you is part of my duties as your partner."
{When Seven tells Janeway she is wrong they both exchange a look.}
Harry (hanging his head down): "I didn't have that much chemistry with Lindsey, or that Maggie hologram, or…"
{Janeway compares the Doctor to the replicator.}
Doctor: "Well I could compare humanity to a virus, but I'm not, am I?"
{Seven mentions when Janeway separated her from the Collective.}
Janeway (as herself): "I just couldn't help myself, you were just so CUTE! With your little black body armor, telling me resistance was futile."
{Seven compares her Borg nature to the replicator and the Doctor, and wonders if Janeway will abandon her as well.}
(Janeway looks slightly upset and snuggles as close to Seven as her seat will allow, Seven sliding in her seat to comfort her captain.)
Seven (speaking softly to Janeway): "You had to override my decision to rejoin the Collective, in a similar manner. Part of the burden of command is making those decisions. While they have you making the right choice, it is for the wrong reasons."
Janeway (smiling softly, returning to a normal seating, but keeping contact with Seven): "Like needing someone in my life, and then turning to a hologram."
Tuvok: "Apparently Paramount is testing the thousand monkeys/ thousand typewriters, but the monkeys still can not quite get the characters down."
{Seven tells the captain that she had looked up to her as her model of humanity, and that perhaps she was in error.}
Chakotay: "Break out the blankets captain, you've got the couch."
{Janeway comes into sickbay and tells the Doctor she thought she made the right decision.}
Janeway (as herself): "Then Seven hit me with the baby blues and I crumbled."
{As they restore the Doctors memories they shift to a birthday party.}
Paris: "Well, everyone is in uniform but Harry and me, so I guess we had to pawn our uniforms to buy a gift or something."
{Ensign Jetal tells Neelix she is going to kill him.}
B'Elanna (as Jetal): "I may be a red shirt, but I'll take one of you cast members down with me."
{Chakotay tells the Doctor he will be starting on away missions, Harry saying they will have the pleasure of his company.}
Harry (as himself): "If you will all excuse me, I'm just going to nip out and kill myself."
{The Doctor talks with Ensign Jetal on how she has not been into sickbay.}
Doctor (as himself): "I'll get you into sickbay, even if it kills you."
{On the shuttle away mission the Doctor snaps several holo-pictures, Jetal telling him she has a shuttle to fly.}
B'Elanna (as Jetal): "I only have moments of life left, please let me have them in peace."
{The Doctor takes several pictures of the attacking ship.}
Doctor (as Shaw): "This is Bernard Shaw."
{After the attacking alien boards the ship it is rocked with another blast.}
Janeway: "Funny, I would not continue to attack a ship that I had sent a boarding party to."
{The alien fires his 3-beamed weapon, hitting all 3 of the ship's crew.}
Chakotay: "Three beams, no waiting. How convenient."
{The Doctor beams the alien back to his ship, and Harry tells him he should beam him into space. The Doctor telling him he is not in the business of killing people.}
Doctor (as himself): "At least not this week."
{The scene of Harry and Jetal being beamed from the shuttle to sickbay and beginning treatment.}
Paris (yawning): "Now you know the excitement of my second job."
{The Doctor says that he does not understand.}
Doctor (as himself): "My programmers must not have realized I would need to keep my emotional subroutines under control in crisis situations."
{The Doctor explains that the weapon left a residual charge in the victims that arcs up the spine to destroy the brain, and that it will do so in a matter of minutes.}
Paris (as himself): "Being beamed from the shuttle has some how sped up the charge!"
{The Doctor realizes that he can only perform the surgery on one of them, and Paris tells him to talk him through, but it is too complex.}
Doctor (as himself): "Your attempt to stop their assured death could kill them."
{The Doctor moves to help Harry.}
Doctor (as himself): "Ensign Kim's brain is so small the surgery will be that much longer."
{Tom passes tools to the Doctor while he performs the surgery.}
Paris (as himself): "Yes, handing the Doctor things is MUCH more important than trying to save Jetal's life."
{Back in the real sickbay the Doctor asks how the attack ended.}
Janeway (as herself): "They sent a communication telling us their only purpose in life was to give the Doctor a moral dilemma, since we had so many other actual races trying to kill us we decided to let them go."
Harry: "Hey, wait! Why didn't they just resurrect Ensign Jetal instead of creating Lindsey Ballard?"
Tuvok: "That would require the writers to keep track of their own story lines."
{The Doctor explains that he is programmed to accept the loss of a patient.}
Doctor (as himself): "The lives of you pitiful mortals are just a way I keep track of how brilliant I am."
{The flashback changes again, changing from the funeral to Neelix and the Doctor in the mess hall where the Doctor starts to freak out.}
Chakotay: "My, my, my, not one, but TWO moving moments from a hologram."
{The Doctor explains his dilemma over treating Kim and Jetal.}
Doctor: "Ummm… Ensign Kim remained conscious longer, which in a triage situation would be a possible indicator of better odds, an indicator Ensign Jetal did not have."
{The Doctor asks himself, Neelix, and the security team why he killed her.}
Doctor (as himself): "My ethical subroutines have been offline the rest of the season. Why did they get active now?
{Back in sickbay they explain to the Doctor that he had a feedback loop and to repair it they had to erase his memories.}
Seven: "I thought I had discovered the memories had not be erased, but the program rewritten so he could not access them?"
Paris: "Now, now Seven, you can not expect someone to keep track of the entire episode?"
Seven: "I did."
{Janeway talks about the battle going on inside the Doctor.}
Harry: "A battle between the man he is, and the woman he wants to be."
{B'Elanna says that they have seen, twice what happens to him.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "The hotdog makes him loose control."
{Janeway says they gave him a soul.}
Janeway (as herself): "Well two if you want to count that EDH when we grafted his soul onto the Doctors."
{The scene changes to Cargo Bay 2 where Janeway watches Seven regenerating.}
Janeway (wistfully, as herself): "Watching her regenerate always makes me feel so at peace."
{Janeway wakes Seven.}
Seven (as herself): "Captain, when I said you can turn me on like a switch, this is not what I intended."
Janeway (as herself): "You always step right from the alcove, don't you just like to stay in… bed for awhile?"
{Janeway tells her it is the time and place for a philosophical discussion.}
Tuvok: "So Seven should not come to the captain's quarters as she prepares for bed, but the captain is allowed to wake her?"
Seven: "She's just so cute when she is being domineering."
(Janeway gets a bit of an injured look, which causes Seven to grin and give her a hug.)
{Janeway asks if Seven's rediscovery of her humanity was worth it.}
Seven (her voice, soft, as herself): "Do you even have to ask?"
{Seven says that she would not change what Janeway did to her.}
Seven (as herself): "Not a THING, and I mean that."
{On the holodeck the Doctor states there was nothing he could have done differently.}
Doctor (as himself): "The writers are out to get me, there is no other explanation."
{The Doctor explains how the primordial atom burst and how the universe began, gasses expanding, planets contracting.}
Chakotay (announcer voice): "Diarrhea is like a universe expanding inside you."
{The Doctor says the starships; holodecks and chicken soup were all predetermined. After which he notices the Captain reading.}
Janeway (as herself): "It's 'Chicken Soup for the holograms soul."
{The Doctor says that there are too many possibilities, too many paths for his program to follow.}
Doctor (as himself): "This series has bottomed out, there is no limit to crazy crap the writers will pull."
{The Doctor finds Janeway asleep.}
Doctor (as himself): "I know this episode is boring, but I am in pain here!"
{Janeway mentions she has a headache, and the Doctor calls it a medical emergency.}
Doctor (as himself): "Seven made me promise to never let you have a headache."
{The Doctor tells Janeway to go to bed, that he does not want to cause anymore suffering.}
Doctor (as himself): "Let's end this episode, and end it now."
{Janeway starts to leave the holodeck, and the Doctor tells her if he needs her he will call her. The screen fading to black as Janeway and the rest of the crew rise to leave and the holodeck reverts to its grid.}
Janeway (as herself, leaving): "Very good Doctor, I'll be in Cargo Bay 2… for the foreseeable future."
{The scene changes to Cargo Bay 2, Janeway walking around, running her fingers over consoles and equipment as she smiles at Seven. Seven regards the Captain confusedly, her eyebrow arching as she speaks.}
Seven: "While I understand that we use Cargo Bay 2 as a reference to me I do not understand why you had the turbolift take us here while it took the rest of the crew to the bridge."
Janeway (smiling, walking up to Seven and running her fingers along Seven's arm): "I just realized that we have never really spent time in… your place. It's kind of nice… I've found Borg technology to be stimulating on occasion."
(Seven and Janeway both grin at that, Seven's grin almost seeming shy.)
Janeway: "Seal the doors to this room, no entry with out my authorization."
Computer: "Doors sealed."
{Janeway's caress has made it to the collar of Seven's biosuit, her fingers tracing as she reaches the other hand to the back of Seven's head, guiding her into a kiss that lingers as the screen fades.}
{The scene fades back in on the bridge, the crew lounging about at there various stations, except for B'Elanna who sitting/leaning against the helm.}
Harry: "I wonder what Seven and the Captain are doing in Cargo Bay 2?"
(Paris gets a bright-eyed dreamy look at Harry's question, B'Elanna sees it and smacks him in the head.)
Paris: "What? Harry was the one who suggested it."
Harry: "You don't think…"
Tuvok: "The Captain and Seven of Nine comfort each other during the breaks, it is logical to assume they would allow a greater degree of comforting now that they have the time."
Chakotay: "Either way it is really not our place to debate the idea."
Paris: "Yeah, but it's kind of fun in a "I've been a naughty little ensign sort of way."
B'Elanna: "Speaking of which…"
(B'Elanna gets a rather feral grin on her face as she stands, grabbing Tom Paris by the front of his uniform she pulls him to his feet and into a searing kiss, keeping his uniform tight in her fist she pulls him into the turbolift.)
Chakotay: "If you gentleman will excuse me I believe I will retire for the night."
Harry: "I think I'll retire to my quarters as well."
Harry (under his breath): "… for that series of cold showers."
Tuvok (with an eyebrow after the rest have left): "… and humans don't understand the reasoning for Pon Farr."
{Tuvok keys his console and the screen goes to black.}